| When Narcissistic Rage Becomes Dangerous: How to Protect Yourself without Dishonoring God
"When he gets angry it's like he turns into a different person. But as long as things are calm it's great."
"I've been having nightmares that my spouse is violent with me and the kids. I feel like a horrible person for having these fears because they've never raised their hand at me."
"He says a lot of things he doesn't mean when he's angry. He'd never hurt me."
"I don't want to break my vows but I'm really scared of the next time things blow up. Really scared."
Do these people sound familiar? Are you, like so many others wondering how to deal with narcissistic rage? How can you tell when rage crosses the line to become dangerous? How do you protect yourself without dishonoring God?
If you find yourself on this page, you have likely encountered someone who exhibits narcissistic tendencies. If so, you have almost certainly experienced their wrath or vindictiveness here at some point in the relationship. You may have felt hurt, threatened, intimidated, or even downright terrified. When does narcissistic rage shift from being a difficult episode to becoming dangerous? In this blog, you will find three ways to diagnose whether or not narcissistic rage is putting you in danger.
If you haven’t read it yet, I recommend you read the prequel to this blog where I explain the patterns and triggers of narcissistic behavior with insights and examples from the Bible. You can read it here.
“If you were in danger, wouldn’t you know?” Sound familiar? If you haven’t heard it said to you, you’ve probably thought it yourself. Danger is not always possible to detect. Take, for example, covert narcissists. They are masters of disguise and can keep their dangerous capabilities or intentions hidden. They are just like other (overt) narcissists: chronically arrogant, entitled, exploitative, manipulative, lacking in empathy, grandiose thinking—they have the whole kit and caboodle—but they hide their narcissism. A covert narcissist might be smiling, talking affectionately, signing off their messages with hearts and smiley emojis, however beneath the surface, they are simmering with anger against you. And worst of all, you have no idea that this has been going on like this for a long time. They may have been stewing for months and years. You are kept in the dark about their anger until it’s too late. Covert narcissists are experts at passive-aggressive tactics. They can subtly inflict harm and catch you off guard.
The moral of the story is that not all anger is obvious. An overt narcissist might be over-the-top and rageful, but a covert narcissist carries anger under a cloak of manipulation. Just because anger is hidden, doesn’t make it safe. |
