Soul Ties with a Narcissist: How to Break the Unbreakable Bond

Have you recently ended a relationship with a narcissist and found it hard to let them go? Perhaps you still have lingering emotions and memories even though the relationship ended a long time ago. If so, it's possible that you still have soul ties with the narcissist.

So, what exactly are soul ties? Simply put, they are any connections or attachments to someone that hinder you from moving forward into God’s plans for your life. In the case of a relationship with a narcissist, the bond is particularly difficult to break.

In this blog post, I will explain why ties with narcissists can be so difficult to break and walk you through a prayer to break those ties. Make sure to read all the way through, as this understanding is key to moving forward to the next stages of your healing. 

The Three-strand Cord

According to Ecclesiastes 4:12, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Imagine you have a single strand of rope. Of course, that strand has some strength. But if you were to weave that strand together with another strand, it would be able to bear much more tension. And if you add yet another strand, you have a cord that is very difficult to break. That is the power of a cord of three strands.

In its context, this verse describes the bond of a relationship where God is at the center. In this case, the bond is positive. However, both positive and negative bonds can form with multiple strands. It's possible to have a powerful negative, ungodly bond with someone, which happens in a narcissistic relationship. The bond with a narcissist is exceptionally difficult to break because it's like a cord of three strands that is not easily broken.

Understanding this concept is key to moving forward with your healing process. If you're struggling to break the bond with a narcissist, it's time to take action. Stick with me through this post because at the end is a powerful tool you can use to break off the soul tie.

What Is a Soul Tie?

Soul ties are powerful connections that develop over time and with increased intimacy. They can outlast a relationship, making it difficult to move on after a breakup. If you’ve ended a relationship with a narcissist, you may still be tied to that person, even if you’ve gone no contact.

Here are a few signs that you might still have a soul tie with a narcissist:

• You can’t stop thinking about them.
• Even though this person is no longer part of your life, and the relationship ended a while ago, they still factor into your thoughts and emotions. You can feel how they might think or act concerning what you are about to say or do. Even in their absence, they still have power over you. This ends up restraining you from what you feel God is calling you to do.
• You feel overly emotional about the separation, even though it's been a while
• If you see them or hear about them, you are emotional.
• You're holding onto a false hope of reconciliation (and might feel tempted to go back to them) despite the abuse and trauma you experienced. As this hope keeps getting deferred, your heart aches.
• You carry a twisted feeling of loyalty, humanistic compassion, or attachment to this person despite how they treated you. You may even feel guilty for leaving them.
• You feel frozen in time by the idea of being with them, and you have difficulty imagining your life without them.

The end of a narcissistic relationship can leave you reeling from one of the most painful and traumatic experiences you have ever gone through. Even in non-romantic relationships, narcissistic relationships tend to come to a crashing end. Make sure to give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship, the person you loved, and the future you dreamed of. 

Breaking soul ties is not a quick fix for grief, nor can it replace the grieving process, but it is a critical part of the healing process. By breaking off soul ties that pull you back into the past, you can grieve in a way that is restorative and healing.  

As you go through the grieving process, you can hold on to God’s promises for healing. 

As triune beings of body, soul, and spirit, God has healing for us on every level. He heals our physical pain and our broken hearts. Because we are primarily spiritual beings, spiritual healing has a catalytic effect on physical and emotional healing. Thus removing soul ties will clear away hindrances that keep you from moving forward and co-creating a new life with God in all aspects of your life.

What Are the Three Strands?

Because of the complexity of a narcissistic relationship, breaking a soul tie with a narcissist is like breaking a cord of three strands. Let me explain: you formed a connection with two versions of the narcissist. The first version is the man or woman who you knew at the beginning of the relationship: the charismatic and attractive encouraging person who love-bombed you at the beginning. Although this side of the narcissist eventually faded into the background, it still showed up intermittently in the relationship to keep you hooked. This is the side that you desperately wanted to believe was their true colors, what gave you hope that things might get better and to which you were loyal. A soul tie with this version of the narcissist can make you feel like you’ve given up on an essentially good person. This is the person you love and miss—who is, unfortunately, not real.

The second version of the narcissist that you bonded with is the side that was abusive towards you—the cruel, lying, manipulative, angry, contemptuous, vindictive person that is completely different from the person you thought you met at the beginning. Despite the lack of heartfelt connection with this version of the narcissist, as long as you are tied to the pleasant version of the narcissist, you will be tied to the manipulative side of the narcissist as well through a process called trauma bonding.

Usually, when we break soul ties with a person, we only need to break one soul tie with one person. But I would suggest that although you were interacting with one person throughout the relationship, your heart experienced ties with two different faces of the narcissist. This connection is like a two-stranded cord, and to truly be free from ties to the narcissist, both strands need to be broken. 

What about the third strand? The third strand tying you to the narcissist is the tie to the dreams of a future with them. The future that you hoped to create with the narcissist, the dream that gave you hope to persevere, may have been shattered when the relationship ended, but the tie remains.

Since the loss of that future can be devastating, holding onto that dream temporarily spares you the pain of acknowledging that it is shattered. However, as long as you hold onto those dreams, you will be tied to the narcissist and to the past. Only once you are able to let that future go will you be open to stepping into the new thing God has for you. God has good plans for you. It may seem like a bleak future now, but imagine, imagine the relationships, the provision, and the healing that God has for you. There is so much out there for you. God works all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. If you love Him and allow Him to be in the driver’s seat of your life, He will work things out in your life to turn what was a painful past into a beautiful future. Our God is that good.

Here I have used the analogy of the three-stranded rope to illustrate the three ties that you most likely need to be freed from after a narcissistic relationship. The main point of the analogy is that ties with a narcissist can have many strands. But this is not a formula. As you work towards freedom from these ties, keep your ear open to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. He may reveal to you other strands that you need to break. For example, breaking off soul ties with the narcissist might involve breaking ties with people connected to the narcissist. Considering all these factors, it is not surprising to find it exceptionally difficult to move on from narcissistic relationships. Don’t feel rushed to cut through the whole rope in one shot. Allow the Holy Spirit to help you break each strand as you work through each dimension and layer of healing. 

Breaking Soul Ties Through Prayer

Below is a template of a prayer that I have used in my own life to break off soul ties. You are free to use it, modify it, or pray it in your own words.

I would recommend you pray through the process of breaking the soul ties out loud with someone you trust. There is power in agreement. Deuteronomy 32:30 says, “One of us puts a thousand to flight and two of us ten thousand.” Jesus also said, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst" (Matthew 18:20). When there is at least another person, there is more power, and God hears us. If you don't have someone that you feel safe with or anyone right now, consider me that person who is cheering you on and agreeing with you, and supporting you. You can find my video titled “How to Break the Unique Ungodly Soul Tie with a Narcissist” on YouTube and pray it with me. 

If you can, get some strings, one string to represent every strand of the soul tie you are breaking with the narcissist. While you are praying, use scissors to cut the strings. When you physically cut the string, it is a powerful enactment in the natural that sets things in motion in the spiritual realm. Personally, this has brought a breakthrough in my life. 

In this prayer, I have included parts about releasing forgiveness and blessing to the narcissist. Scripture says to forgive our enemies and bless those who curse us. I could do whole other blogs on these subjects, so I hope that you will take my word for it that God asks us to forgive and bless those who hurt us for two reasons: because God forgave us and still blessed us when we didn’t deserve it, and God wants us to be like Him. Although it may feel unnatural, releasing forgiveness and blessing brings freedom to our own lives. 

You can fill in the name of the person in the blanks, and feel free to add anything to the prayer that is on your heart. Again, this is not a formula but a tool.

The Prayer

Father, I choose to release this relationship with ＿ completely to you. I choose to release ＿ completely: the loving, caring, attentive version and also the callous, hurtful, vindictive, abusive side. I release both sides of ＿ to you.

I forgive ＿ for the pain, cruelty, and abuse they caused me. Just as Jesus said about his enemies, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do,” so I say about ＿, “Father forgive ＿ for ＿ does not know what he/she is doing.”

I choose not to hold on to ＿ anymore but release him/her into your care. You can do a much better job looking after ＿’s needs than I ever can. I turn that burden over to you and allow you to carry it.

I bless ＿ with your love, joy, and peace in their life—that you will look after all their needs and bless them in every way.

I choose to release my hopes, dreams, and future with ＿ and open my heart to the hopes, dreams, and future that you have for me. 

I ask that you remove all parts of ＿ that still have a hold on me. Please liberate me to live fully unto you, unhindered in every way. I open my heart and life fully now to all the new relationships, connections, and attachments that you want to bring my way. 

I open myself up now for the purpose and destiny you planned for me since the beginning of the foundation of the world. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

After The Prayer

How do you feel after praying that prayer? 

Jesus tells us that “Whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” (Matthew 18:18). Believe in faith now that the unseen bond which has spiritually tied your soul to this person has been broken.

You may not feel anything at this moment, but something has definitely shifted in the spirit, and you will see a big difference in your emotions now that those ties are broken. I would love to hear about it if you experienced a breakthrough.

Let me encourage you with an illustration. In John 15, Jesus said He is like a vine (or a tree), and we are the branches. “Those who abide in me,” Jesus promised, will bear much fruit” (John 15:5). That includes the fruit of the Spirit, such as love, joy, and peace (Galatians 5:22-23). Now a narcissist by nature does not exhibit these fruits. Instead, they are exhibiting fruits of the flesh, such as anger, hatred, and envy. These fruits are not a result of abiding in Christ. So a narcissist is like dead branches that do not have spiritual life in them. When you are tied to a narcissist, it is like being an extension of a dead branch. Now that you have broken your tie to them, you are no longer connected to a lifeless source. 

Now, imagine yourself as a branch being reconnected to the vine that is Christ. As you are reconnected and grafted into this life-giving tree, the life of Christ fills you. He is the one watering you and feeding you, so you never have to feel hungry or thirsty again. As you open yourself up to his full healing and life flow, and if you choose to stay abiding in the vine, your life will only get fuller and richer. You will go from glory to glory and strength to strength.

So before you go, I want to pray a benediction prayer over you:

May the Lord bless you and keep you;

The Lord make His face shine upon you,

And be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,

And give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26).

Amen. 

You may have prayed the soul tie prayer, but you are still seeking to recover your identity and move forward into God’s purpose for your life. If that is you, check out my 12-week transformative coaching program to empower women to recover their identity from narcissistic relationships.

This program is designed to empower you to:
• find healing, freedom, and confidence;
• set healthy boundaries while keeping your peace;
• recover your God-given identity;
• align with God’s vision and move forward with your life;
• connect with other women who understand the isolation, pain, confusion, manipulation, gaslighting;
• and much, much more...

Click here to learn more.

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Downloadable Resources 

• Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist 
• 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• How to Pray for a Narcissist Guide
• Healing from Gaslighting