Can Prayer Change a Narcissist? What Does the Bible Say?

narcissistic relationships Sep 19, 2023

Can prayer change a narcissist?

This question touches on the crux of faith and psychology: Psychological diagnoses emphasize the unlikelihood of any change, but the Bible tells us of God’s almighty power and his responsiveness to our prayer. In this blog, we’ll explore the role that Moses played as an intercessor for the stubborn Israelites and God’s interventions in the lives of the Apostle Paul and King Saul.

Can prayer change a narcissist? Yes and No. It is complex.

The Bible is clear that prayer is a powerful force. James 5:16 says, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” The Bible is filled with the stories of people who availed much through their prayers. To name only a few: Elijah prayed for rain when there was a horrible drought, and it was his prayers that caused a downpour; Daniel's prayers led to a deliverance from the lion's den; Hannah prayed for God to open her womb since she was unable to bear children, and God gave her Samuel, a boy who grew up to be a prophet and leader of Israel. There are many, many more stories like these of miraculous answers to prayer in the Bible.

Scripture commands us to pray without ceasing (1 Thess 5:17). We live in a physical world, but the spiritual dimension is much more real and powerful than the physical dimension we live in. Because of this duality, our prayers, rather than natural striving, are able to create change in the spiritual dimension and manifest in the physical.

Prayer is powerful. We have an all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-present God.

So, where does narcissism fit into all this?

Prayer alone cannot force someone to change if they are unwilling. Philippians 2:12 explains that our salvation is a process we must take ownership of daily, with fear and trembling. Implicitly, our salvation requires taking responsibility for our journey of change. God, in His infinite wisdom, respects our free will and refrains from imposing change upon anyone.

Does a narcissist's unwillingness render prayer useless? No. Prayer does have a powerful effect. When we lift up a narcissist in prayer, we're asking God to work on their innermost being. Through prayer, we can create an opening for God to create conditions and a certain grace for change. But, it's essential to grasp this truth: Prayer is not a magic wand that instantaneously transforms a person.

Paul: Daily Working Out Salvation

To illustrate this principle, let us turn to the story of Saul, who later became the apostle Paul. On the road to Damascus, Saul was confronted by God, a radiant and potent light that left him temporarily blinded. Prior to this transformative encounter, Saul had fervently persecuted Christians, displaying zealousness that led to the imprisonment and execution of many believers. Whether Saul exhibited narcissistic traits during this period remains uncertain, as the biblical account does not detail Saul’s character or behavior in sufficient detail. What is evident, however, is that Saul's powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit did not culminate in instant transformation.

The scriptures reveal that after this profound encounter, Paul did not go immediately into ministry. Instead, he spent a substantial period learning from God directly, with at least some of that time spent in the desert of Arabia (Galatians 1:11-20). This contextualizes Paul’s emphasis on the ongoing process of "working out your salvation with fear and trembling" and the necessity of daily self-denial. These insights demonstrate that even when someone experiences a significant encounter or confrontation with God through prayer, it does not result in immediate transformation. Paul's transformation into a fatherly figure and apostle required persistent effort and dedication.

Moses: Interceding for the Israelites

To understand how the power of prayer works with free will and personal responsibility, let’s turn to the story of the Israelites wandering in the desert and Moses' pivotal role as an intercessor. You can read about the journey in the book of Exodus.

The Israelites, under the leadership of Moses, embarked on a challenging and transformative journey through the desert after their deliverance from slavery in Egypt. However, despite experiencing numerous miracles and witnessing God's mighty power, they frequently grumbled, complained, and rebelled against God's guidance.

Moses, chosen by God as a powerful leader and intermediary, repeatedly stood in the gap between the Israelites and God. He played a crucial role as an intercessor, fervently praying and pleading with God on behalf of the people. Moses' prayers were not mere words; they were heartfelt petitions for God's mercy and guidance.

A good example of Moses' intercession can be found in Exodus 32:1-14 when the Israelites built a golden calf and engaged in idolatry while Moses was on Mount Sinai receiving the Ten Commandments. God's anger burned against the people, and He sought to destroy them. However, Moses interceded passionately for the Israelites, begging God to relent and remember His covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Moses' prayers on this occasion reveal the depth of his love and concern for his people.

Another powerful example of Moses' intercessory prayer was when he said to God, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here" (Exodus 33:15). Moses' earnest intercession underscored his reliance on God's guidance for the challenging journey ahead.

Really, if anyone were going to pray effective prayers, it would have been Moses. He wrote the first five books of the bible; he spent time communing with God face to face and knew such intimacy with God that his face shone. He was an Old Testament Christ figure.

Yet, despite Moses' unwavering prayers and intercession, the Israelites struggled to change their behavior and attitudes. They remained stiff-necked and resistant to God's guidance. Time and time again, they fell back into patterns of complaining and disobedience.

These biblical accounts show us that while Moses' intercession was powerful and sincere, it did not compel the Israelites to change against their will. The story of the Israelites in the wilderness actually reveals the limitations of prayer in the face of human choices and free will. God still respected the boundaries of the Israelite’s individual choice, even in the presence of Moses’ fervent intercession.

So, in the context of dealing with narcissism, the story of the Israelites in the desert serves as a powerful reminder. It highlights the intricate relationship between prayer, personal responsibility, and the sovereignty of God. While prayer can create the conditions for change and inspire humility, it doesn’t override a person's intrinsic motivation to change. The biblical narrative emphasizes that both prayer and personal choice play vital roles in the transformative process.

King Saul: The Holy Spirit's Role

To illustrate these points even further, we can look at the story of King Saul and the role of the Holy Spirit in his life.

King Saul was chosen by God to be the first king of Israel and, similarly to the New Testament Paul also experienced a remarkable encounter with the Holy Spirit. In 1 Samuel 10, the prophet Samuel anointed Saul with oil, signifying the Holy Spirit's anointing upon him as king. The text highlights that "the Spirit of the Lord came powerfully upon him" (1 Samuel 10:6, NIV). This divine anointing was a profound spiritual experience, marking the beginning of Saul's reign.

However, despite this powerful spiritual encounter and the presence of the Holy Spirit, Saul's character and behavior did not undergo lasting transformation. In later chapters of 1 Samuel, we witness Saul's actions, which included episodes of jealousy, disobedience to God's commands, and attempts to harm David, who would become his successor. Even moments when Saul prophesied under the influence of the Holy Spirit did not result in a fundamental change in his heart.

There was one instance in 1 Samuel 19 where Saul was pursuing David, wanting to kill him, and on his way there, he encountered a group of prophets and joined them in prophesying under the influence of the Holy Spirit. He prophesied with them for 24 hours. Can you imagine what it would be like to be so overtaken by the Holy Spirit that you prophesy for 24 hours, and people say about you, “Is so and so a prophet?” That would be such a miracle from God. And Saul experienced this. Yet, as soon as he finished prophesying, he resumed his pursuit of going to kill David. This is a clear example of how, despite a powerful spiritual manifestation, Saul's intentions and actions did change not at all.

You may have a narcissist in your life who can operate in spiritual gifts and accomplish much seeming good but be completely unchanged and unaffected by the Holy Spirit in their hearts. It is possible for them to operate in gifts and talents from God while still holding on to their narcissism.

Powerful spiritual encounters, even those involving the Holy Spirit, do not guarantee enduring change in an individual's character or disposition. Both King Saul's and Apostle Paul’s stories serve as a poignant reminder that lasting transformation involves more than momentary spiritual experiences; transformation requires a profound change of heart, motivation, and personal choices.

How to Pray for a Narcissist

So, should you even bother to pray for a narcissist? Generally speaking, I believe we should. One primary reason to pray for the narcissist is that prayer helps to keep our heart in the right posture before God. Dealing with a narcissist can easily result in hardening our own hearts, but prayer helps our hearts to stay soft. It also helps us to keep our eyes on God, reminding us that we are not able to change the narcissist. Your prayers open room for God to work in ways you don’t expect.

That being said, there are times when we should not pray for the narcissist. It does depend on where you are at in your season with the narcissist. I go into more detail about this in my YouTube video “When You Should Not Pray for the Narcissist.”

For now, it is important to remember that prayer cannot force anyone to do anything. It is not a magic spell; we should never use prayer as an attempt to manipulate someone spiritually–whether they know about it or not. Prayer is our way to remain in communion with God while in a relationship with a narcissistic person, and it can help us to navigate the difficulties we encounter in those relationships with more wisdom and grace. Perhaps most importantly, prayer leaves the door open for God to move in the narcissist’s life.

Related Resources

Watch the video version of this blog here. If you found this blog post helpful, sign up below to have more similar content delivered straight to your inbox. In the meantime, you may also find the following resources encouraging.

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog

Downloadable Resources

Want more content like this?

Get encouraging and empowering content delivered straight to your inbox! Join my mailing list to receive weekly blogs and resources.

By filling this form, you agree to receive quality-filled communications from us. We will never spam you or share your information with a third party.