Do Narcissists Really Believe Their Lies? A Biblical Look at Deception

Jessica's hands trembled as she held her husband's phone. The text messages and photos left no room for doubt – John had been carrying on an affair for months. Yet when she confronted him with the evidence, his response left her reeling: "What kind of paranoid person goes through their spouse's phone? Are you that insecure and controlling?”

In that moment, Jessica faced the crushing weight of what counselors often call "the second betrayal." The first was the affair itself. The second – perhaps even more psychologically damaging – was the calculated attempt to make her doubt her own reality.

"I showed him the messages," Jessica told her counselor, her voice barely a whisper. "They were right there on the screen. But he looked me in the eye and said I was 'choosing to see things that weren't there.' For a moment, I actually caught myself wondering if I was imagining it all.”

Scenarios like this—where clear evidence is blatantly denied—make us confront the deliberate nature of narcissistic deception. It strips away the comfortable notion that manipulators are merely confused or self-deceived. Instead, it forces us to grapple with a harder truth: many choose to wage war against reality itself rather than face accountability.

The Common Misconception

Many well-meaning people, especially in Christian circles, tend to hope narcissistic manipulation is the result of confusion rather than outright, intentional distortion of fact. They assume that manipulators must be primarily self-deceived – surely no one could consistently and consciously distort reality. This perspective often leads to harmful advice that keeps victims trapped in cycles of abuse, questioning their own perceptions rather than recognizing the deliberate nature of the manipulation they face.

A Biblical Framework for Understanding Deception

The book of Romans, particularly chapter 1, gives a stark outline of the progression of deception. This isn't merely theoretical – it maps with striking precision patterns observed in narcissistic behavior and modern psychological research.

 “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.” (Romans 1:18–20)

Stage 1:  Knowledge of Truth

According to Romans, chapter 1, everyone knows God exists and is aware of his character. 

Have you ever watched someone do something blatantly wrong and then pretend they had no idea it was wrong? It’s hard not to wonder: Are they really this clueless, or are they just pretending?

According to Romans 1:19–20, everyone—narcissists included—starts out with a basic sense of right and wrong. The passage tells us that God’s nature is so clearly shown in creation that no one can legitimately say, “I had no idea.” In other words, when a narcissistic manipulator twists facts, it’s rarely because they can’t discern truth from lies; it’s that they’re choosing to ignore the truth they already know.

The Drive to “Be God”

Instead of acknowledging a higher authority, narcissists often try to become the ultimate authority themselves.  They want people to think of them as ‘the authority’ that knows everything about everything.  They denigrate other leaders or voices or disqualify them.   Ultimately, they want your worship or at least your total compliance. Rather than submitting to God’s standards, they set up their own. In everyday life, this can look like:

• Refusing accountability (“I make the rules around here; I don’t have to answer to anyone!”)
• Warping reality (Insisting two plus two equals five if it suits them.)
• Dismissing gratitude (because thanking others would mean admitting they’re not self-sufficient gods)

This isn’t just “spiritual theory”—it’s a reality confirmed in modern psychology. Dr. George Simon, a psychologist specializing in manipulative personalities, sheds light on this dynamic in his extensive research on covert aggression. He explains that manipulative individuals are not clueless or blindly reactive; they are purposeful in their actions. 

He provides an eye-opening perspective on the behavior of covert aggressors, individuals who deliberately manipulate while maintaining a façade of innocence. He notes that covert aggressors are anything but clueless or reactive; they are calculated in their efforts to control others while shielding themselves from accountability.

As Simon explains, “At the very moment the manipulator was excuse-making, blaming, denying, minimizing, feigning innocence, or guilting the other party, they were fundamentally fighting (not 'defending') – fighting not only to get the other person to see things their way and cave-in to their demands but also fighting against the rules they knew most people wanted them to observe about healthy social behavior – all while looking relatively good and maintaining a benign social image.” (1) 

These tactics are not random but carefully executed moves to dominate and resist societal norms. The covert aggressor’s ability to cloak offensive power plays in subtlety makes their manipulation particularly insidious, often leaving victims blindsided and questioning their own perceptions. Simon’s insights highlight a critical truth: these individuals are not stumbling in moral darkness but are intentionally subverting truth and accountability while projecting an image of virtue.

This aligns perfectly with the spiritual principle in Romans 1, where Paul insists no one can plead ignorance of basic moral reality. These individuals have enough light to see the path clearly; they simply choose to walk in the opposite direction, deliberately twisting truth to serve their agendas. 

More Voices in the Conversation

• Dr. Ramani Durvasula in her many youtube videos, points out that narcissists maintain a remarkably keen sense of when to play the victim and when to claim expertise, all in real time. They read the room and pivot roles on the spot—hardly the mark of someone simply oblivious to truth. (2)
  
  
• Dr. Lundy Bancroft, in Why Does He Do That?, shares case studies where abusers clearly know they’re causing harm; they just value power and control more than their partner’s well-being. This undermines the common myth that such behavior stems from mere confusion. (3)
  
  
• Dr. Jordan Peterson often emphasizes how “Machiavellian” personalities test the waters with small fibs or half-truths first. Once they find someone’s vulnerability, they escalate further—revealing an intentional, step-by-step strategy rather than clueless bumbling. (4)
  
  
• M. Scott Peck, in People of the Lie, doesn’t mince words, calling this kind of willful manipulation evil. For Peck, it’s not just psychological dysfunction but a deliberate moral and spiritual choice to reject truth, all while crafting an appearance of piety or goodness to mask their rejection and carry out their harmful actions. (5)

All of these experts, in their own language, echo the biblical teaching: narcissists and manipulators don’t start out fooled by their own lies. They see the truth. They just decide to fight it. And Romans 1 tells us exactly why—they want to honor themselves instead of God.

Stage 2: Willful Suppression

It’s one thing to know the truth and ignore it; it’s another to actively work against it. 

Romans 1:18 says, “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness.” 

Yet that’s precisely what we see when someone, like John in the introduction, is caught red-handed and still launches a counterattack on his wife Jessica, when she exposes him. Romans 1:18 calls this “suppressing the truth”—a deliberate, strategic refusal to acknowledge what’s right in front of them.

Narcissists often excel at this. Rather than face the reality of their actions, they bury it under layers of blame and deflection. Scripture is clear that God opposes this kind of truth-smothering behavior; it’s described as both ungodly and unrighteous. We see it play out when someone:

• Attacks the evidence itself
  “Those messages are taken out of context.”
  
  
• Questions the observer’s credibility
  “You’re paranoid and controlling.”
  
  
• Rewrites the narrative
  “I only confided in her because you were so distant.”
  
  
• Deploys shame as a weapon
  “What kind of person spies on their spouse?”

All these tactics have one goal: to keep the spotlight off the wrongdoing and onto the person who dares to bring truth into the light. Instead of admitting guilt, narcissists often double down and suppress the very evidence that could set the record straight. This stage marks a conscious step away from the truth—pushing reality out of sight to protect their carefully constructed facade.

Stage 3: Deterioration of Understanding

In the third stage of suppressing truth, narcissists begin to lose their grip on reality.

Romans 1:21-22 says, “They became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools.” 

Imagine weaving a tapestry one thread at a time. Each stitch may feel small, but over months or years, it becomes a tightly woven picture—so intricate that you can no longer see or undo the original design beneath it. That’s essentially what happens in this third stage. As a narcissist repeatedly suppresses the truth (Stage 2), each new lie adds another layer to a web of deception—until the original reality is buried under layers of distortion.

The more they rely on denial, minimization, projection, or attacks, the deeper they sink into a worldview that runs on lies. Each time they declare, “That never happened,” they’re not just deceiving their victim; they’re also training themselves to believe the cover story. Over time, all those fabrications start to tangle together, blurring the line between what’s real and what’s invented.

Psychological evidence aligns with this biblical insight. One study found that “The continuous use of lies to manipulate their social environment eventually becomes habitual and compulsive, leading to significant distortions in their relationships and personal reality.” (6) This highlights how narcissists, by habitually distorting the truth, warp their sense of reality to the point where deception becomes second nature, and the truth feels alien.

Dr. George Simon also provides insight, noting, “Narcissists can get to almost believing their own lies. They engage in so much truth distortion that it can become hard for them to tell what’s true and what isn’t.” (7)

This observation reveals how their habitual manipulation of truth evolves into self-deception, leaving them unable to distinguish between reality and their fabricated narrative. Over time, this blurred line between truth and distortion becomes the foundation of their worldview.

Theodore Millon, a leading authority on personality disorders, also sheds light on this process. He explains how narcissists often begin with intentional deception—carefully tweaking reality to preserve their fragile self-esteem.

At first, this might look like rewriting history just enough to make themselves the hero in every story or reframing their failures as successes. But over time, something more insidious happens: the repeated distortions start to stick.

Millon observes that narcissists “revise their personal history to amplify objective reality, minimize, or transform failures in an effort to protect their own self-esteem or reinforce their current positions.” (8) What starts as a deliberate effort to reshape the truth gradually erodes their ability to discern fact from fiction.

As Millon notes, they eventually “remember the past as they wanted it to occur, not as it actually happened.” (9) Memory itself becomes malleable, bent to fit their preferred narrative.

He also highlights how their reliance on fantasy plays a role in this process. According to Millon, “Excessive use of fantasy contributes to a lack of empathy for others. Immersed in their reveries, narcissists focus their mind on a vague time in the future where their aspirations have already been realized.” (10)

Essentially, they detach from the present and anchor themselves in an imagined world where they’ve already achieved greatness. This supports the idea from Romans 1:21 of “futile speculations”—where their thought processes become untethered from reality, spiraling into self-serving delusions.

This isn’t just about fooling others anymore. Over time, narcissists weave such a convincing narrative for themselves that truth becomes unrecognizable. What began as intentional manipulation of the facts now takes on a life of its own, engulfing both their relationships and their understanding of the world around them.

The Mechanics of Truth Distortion

It’s one thing to lie intentionally, but what happens when those lies become second nature? Narcissists rely on a set of psychological tools that not only manipulate others but also reinforce their own descent into self-deception. Think of these tactics as threads they weave into the tapestry of their distorted worldview—one denial, deflection, or attack at a time.

Here’s how these strategies unfold:

• Denial – “That never happened.”
  Each time they slam the door on truth, they take another step toward erasing it from their memory. It’s as though they’re practicing self-hypnosis, convincing themselves that what’s obvious isn’t real.
  
• Minimization – “It’s no big deal; you’re overreacting.”
  By downplaying their wrongdoing, narcissists train themselves to view their misdeeds as harmless or justified. Over time, this minimizes the weight of their own conscience.
  
• Projection – “You’re the one who’s unfaithful.”
  Blaming others for their own faults not only shields them from accountability but also feeds the narrative that they’re the victim. The more they shift blame, the harder it becomes for them to see their own reflection clearly.
  
• Attack – “You’re crazy for even suggesting this.”
  Labeling truth-tellers as irrational or vindictive is an offensive move to stay in control. But it’s not just others they aim to discredit—it’s the very truth that threatens their self-image. Over time, these attacks condition them to avoid the discomfort of introspection entirely.
  

Each of these tactics accumulates like grime on a window. At first, the distortions might seem small and manageable. But as the lies pile up, even the narcissist can no longer see out. What began as an effort to control others becomes a trap of their own making.

Romans 1:21 describes this perfectly: “But their thinking became futile, and their foolish hearts were darkened.” Put another way, the longer they warp reality, the harder it becomes to remember what’s real. They don’t just fool others—they fool themselves, too.

The Destructive Impact

The fallout from this self-perpetuating cycle of distortion is devastating—for everyone involved:

• Emotional Fog: Victims are left questioning their sanity, unsure what’s real. But narcissists also lose their grip on objective truth, locking themselves in a mental prison of their own creation.
  
  
• Loss of Genuine Insight: Deception blocks growth. Narcissists can’t learn from mistakes they refuse to acknowledge.
  
  
• Strained Relationships: Their capacity for true intimacy fades. Authentic connection requires honesty, something they’ve abandoned long ago.
  
  

In simpler terms, the more narcissists bury the truth, the more they bury themselves. This is why someone can start out fully aware of their actions yet, over time, seem to believe their warped version of events. It’s a tragic spiral, a testament to what happens when truth is suppressed for too long: reality itself becomes unrecognizable, even to the one twisting it.

Stage 4: Divine Abandonment to Chosen Deception

When a person repeatedly chooses deception, God ceases to fight them and instead gives them over to what they have chosen.

Romans 1:24 says, “Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity...” 

Imagine a car driving repeatedly along a dirt track that runs parallel to the paved road. Over time, its wheels create deep ruts in the path—so deep that even if the driver wanted to return to the road, the car would be stuck in the grooves it has carved out. This is what happens when someone stubbornly persists in living by their own falsehoods, ignoring every warning God places along the way. Each decision deepens the grooves until they're confined to the very path they've created.

Romans 1:24 describes a sobering moment when God essentially says, “If you are determined to go your own way, I will no longer restrain you.” This isn’t arbitrary punishment; it’s the natural consequence of pushing away truth time and time again. When someone refuses to listen to the voice of reason and the promptings of God’s Spirit, they eventually become enslaved to the lies they’ve constructed.

A Point of No Return?

By the time they reach this phase, the narcissist has created an ecosystem where lies reinforce lies. Psychologically speaking, their distorted worldview has become their normal. They’ve invested too much into maintaining their narrative to allow it to crumble.

This aligns with widely observed truths about the nature of entrenched deception: at some point, the person is no longer lying just to others—they are lying to themselves. And this self-deception becomes so deeply ingrained that it feels as real to them as the truth.

Why Many Narcissists Don’t Change

By this stage, meaningful change is incredibly rare. Here’s why:

• Momentum of Deceit: With every suppressed truth, the narcissist’s lies gain momentum. By Stage 4, reversing course would mean dismantling years—sometimes decades—of a carefully constructed identity. The cost feels too high.
• Spiritual Blindness: Romans 1 suggests that this descent isn’t just psychological; it’s spiritual. God “gives them over” to their desires, which hardens their hearts and makes repentance feel impossible.
• Fragile Identity: Admitting fault would risk shattering the narcissist’s identity, which is built entirely on self-glorification. For them, protecting the lie becomes synonymous with survival.

For the narcissist, the illusion isn’t just a shield; it’s their home.

The Final Consequences

Romans 1:24 is not a declaration of arbitrary punishment. It’s the natural result of continually rejecting truth. When God “gives them over,” it’s as if He’s saying, “If this is what you insist on, I won’t stop you.” The narcissist’s ruts—formed by years of denial, minimization, and projection—become an inescapable choice, locking them into their false reality.

The fallout is devastating:

• Emotional Isolation: Relationships break down because genuine connection requires honesty. The narcissist’s world becomes smaller and lonelier.
• Erosion of Wisdom: Without truth, there is no growth. Narcissists remain stuck, unable to learn from mistakes or gain insight into themselves.
• Spiritual Darkness: Romans 1 ties this descent to spiritual consequences. The further they run from truth, the harder it becomes to hear God’s voice.
  
  

What Hope Remains?

While the picture painted in Romans 1 is grim, it’s not entirely hopeless. Scripture doesn’t say someone can’t break free—it says that the longer they suppress truth, the thicker their chains become. True repentance and healing would require something miraculous: a willingness to let the entire house of cards collapse.

For victims, this means accepting a hard truth: you cannot force a narcissist to see the light. Only God can intervene in such a deep-seated spiritual battle. However, there are practical steps you can take to protect yourself and begin your own healing:

A Path Forward

If you feel like you’re sinking in the quicksand of narcissistic manipulation, it might help to remember one critical truth: God designed you to perceive reality. When Psalm 119:105 says that God’s word is “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path,” it implies that clarity—both spiritual and practical—is your birthright, not some impossible dream.

Below are a few steps that can help guide you out of the fog:

Trust Your God-Given Perception

• So often, victims of narcissistic deception learn to doubt their own senses. If something feels wrong, pay attention to that internal warning system.  God gave it to you for a reason.

Document the Evidence

• Whether it’s text messages, screenshots, or diary entries, keeping a written record can serve as an anchor to reality. If you start to second-guess your memory (because the manipulator denies or rewrites events), you’ll have concrete proof to remind you of the truth.

Respond with Clear, Direct Statements

• Sometimes a straightforward response, like “You know that’s not true,” can shut down attempts at gaslighting—at least in the moment. It’s not about winning a debate; it’s about refusing to let lies go unchallenged.

Seek Support

• It’s crucial to reach out to professionals who understand narcissistic abuse—counselors, pastors, or support groups experienced in these dynamics. A friend or counselor who “gets it” can be a lifesaver when you start doubting your own perspective.

Stay Grounded in Scripture and Prayer

• Romans 1 reminds us that truth is not just a moral concept but a spiritual reality. Regular time in God’s Word and honest prayer can help recalibrate your mind to what’s true, especially when your environment is saturated with deception.

Embracing Hard Truths

Realizing that many manipulators know exactly what they’re doing can be heartbreaking. Especially if the narcissist is a loved one. It feels more generous and hopeful to believe they’re just “confused.” 

But as Jessica discovered, acknowledging that her husband was intentionally gaslighting her—rather than merely misunderstanding—became her first step toward genuine freedom.

When you accept that a manipulator’s lies stem from willful deception, you begin to see why early and firm boundaries are so essential. This is the perspective shift that can save you from endless cycles of self-doubt.

The Liberating Power of Truth

Romans 1:18 states that God’s wrath is kindled against those who suppress the truth, implying that real harm—spiritual and emotional—comes from persistently denying reality. Yet John 8:32 also holds out a promise: “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

My team and I hope that this article helps you find the truth that gives you:

• Freedom to Trust Yourself Again: Understanding the manipulator’s tactics allows you to regain faith in your own perception.
• Freedom to Act: Once you see the pattern clearly, you can set boundaries, seek help, or even leave a destructive situation if necessary.
• Freedom to Heal: Recognizing the deliberate nature of the lies is painful, but it breaks the illusion that you somehow caused this behavior. Healing often starts the moment you stop excusing the inexcusable.

While deception clouds reality, it cannot erase truth. God’s light is always brighter than the darkest lie. As you anchor yourself to His truth, you’ll find the strength to move forward—not by changing the narcissist, but by reclaiming the clarity and freedom for which God designed you.  Because in the end, freedom doesn’t come from unraveling someone else’s lies; it comes from refusing to live in them.

References

(1) George Simon, "Covert-Aggressives: Manipulative Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing," Dr. George Simon, March 29, 2013. Available at https://www.drgeorgesimon.com (accessed January 27, 2025).

(2) Dr. Ramani. Doctor Ramani [YouTube Channel]. Available at https://www.youtube.com/@DoctorRamani.

(3) Bancroft, Lundy. Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. Berkley Books, 2002.

(4) Peterson, Jordan B. "Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling." On Purpose Podcast. Published December 24, 2024. YouTube video, 1:47:50. https://youtu.be/-AfDZXZTE5s.

(5) Peck, M. Scott. People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983.

(6) Asay, J., Brough, R., Hudson, B., & Decker, P. (2009). Will narcissists distort? Personal perceptions of success and failure in narcissistic individuals. Intuition: The BYU Undergraduate Journal of Psychology, 5(1), 26–33. Available at https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/intuition/vol5/iss1/6.

(7) Simon, George. "Narcissistic Truth Distortion Is Just Manipulation." Character Matters, August 3, 2020. Accessed January 27, 2025. https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/narcissistic-truth-distortion-is-just-manipulation/

(8) Theodore Millon, Seth Grossman, Carrie Millon, Sarah Meagher, and Rowena Ramnath, Personality Disorders in Modern Life, 2nd ed. (Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2004), 356.

(9) Ibid., 356.

(10) Ibid., 356.

Related Resources

• Why Narcissists Go from Bad to Worse:  A Biblical Reality Check [Read] [Watch]
• Can God Heal a Narcissist? [Read] [Watch]
• Can A Narcissist Change? 10 Ways to Tell if Their Repentance is Real. [Watch]
• Hoovering or Genuine Change? 7 Ways to Test it Out After an Abusive Relationship with a Narcissist [Read] [Watch]
• Letter to the Pastor's (or Minister's) Wife [Read] [Watch]
• Why God Allows Toxic Relationships:  5 Ways He Uses Them for Good [Read] [Watch]
• Can you Reconcile with a Narcissist?  What does the Bible Say about it? [Watch]
• Why You Feel Guilty For Setting Boundaries: 6 Lies the Narcissist Uses to Blame You for Your Needs [Read] [Watch]
• 5 Types of Boundaries You Need to Set with the Narcissist [Read] [Watch]
• Should you Forgive an Abuser 70 X 7 Times?  How an Abuser Exploits & Weaponizes What the Bible Teaches about Forgiveness [Watch]
• Tempted to Get Revenge on the Narcissist? How God Deals with Someone Who Caused You So Much Pain [Watch]
• Three Keys to Navigate Transition [Watch]

Downloadable Resources 

• Checklist: Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments
• Checklist: 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• Guide: How to Pray for a Narcissist
• Prayer: Healing from Gaslighting
• E-book: 7 Steps to Spot a Narcissist