How Do You Pray for a Narcissist?

In this blog, I will share with you 11 key ways to pray for the narcissist in your life.

God is God over all time, past, present, and future. I do believe God can go back in time and bring healing to the trauma that may have caused the narcissist to miss key developmental milestones or remain immature in some ways. 

1. Pray for Healing of Foundational Cracks

As a result of trauma during infancy and childhood, narcissists have zero to little capacity to recover from shame in their adult lives. Because of that, they have a deep unconscious aversion to anything that smells like shame as an adult. You have probably experienced many of the ways that they run from shame: they project, deflect, and blame-shift. 

Pray that Jesus would go back in time and fill those cracks in the foundation of the narcissist’s being left by trauma. Ask God to heal their wounds so that they would have the capacity to experience healthy shame and not run from shame. Pray that God would help them build a healthier tolerance for shame, enabling them to respond to life's natural triggers of shame without lashing out at those around them.

2. Pray that the Power of Generational Iniquity Would Be Broken

Narcissism can be passed down in families through trauma or by failing to address narcissistic behaviors. Pray that the power of generational iniquity would be broken.

3. Pray that They Would Seek the Culture of the Kingdom

Sometimes, the spirit of narcissism manifests stronger in some cultures than others. Pray that the narcissist would align himself or herself with the culture of the kingdom of God more than his or her own earthly culture. When we come to Christ, we must have greater allegiance to kingdom culture than our own culture. The Bible says in Revelation 7:9 that every tribe and tongue, every culture, will bow down before Jesus. In the Lord’s prayer, Jesus prayed, “Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). So, we are called to live out heaven’s culture in our earthly lives. 

4. Pray for Their Identity as a Child of God

Both underindulgence and overindulgence in childhood can lead to narcissism. This can look like parents who tend to neglect the emotional needs of the child while overindulging them in other ways—maybe supporting them tremendously in their academics, sports, or appearance. Their parents may have shown up to all their games and recitals and invested a tonne of money to send them to the best schools and get the best tutors—but they were nowhere to be found when the child was having a terrible day and needed a parent to hold them in their arms and tell them that they are loved and cared for. So, a narcissist is likely to grow up believing that their performance, brains, or good looks are synonymous with being loved, being accepted, and belonging. 

 Pray that the narcissist would know their value as a child of God, that they don't have to perform to please God. God loves them for who they are. Pray that Jesus would go back in time and meet the narcissist’s emotional needs when he or she felt emotionally abandoned by their parents. Pray that Jesus would reverse the lessons the narcissist learned in their childhood and teach them to channel their pain toward being empathic, loving, and compassionate rather than cruel.

5. Pray for Their True Self to Re-emerge

Narcissists operate on a false self. Because their upbringing may have been chaotic, their defense mechanism was to create a false self that is god-like in nature to shield them from the harshness of the world. Their true selves were never nurtured or cultivated and have been locked up in the cellar of their being. Pray that the narcissist’s true self would rise up and take their place and be the person that God has destined them to be and that the false identity would be kicked off the throne.

6. Pray for Deliverance from Idolatry

Pray that the narcissist would be delivered from the sin of idolatry where they have elevated their false selves above God. Narcissists do everything they can to twist the Scriptures and the reality around them in order to cater to their false selves rather than conform their personalities to Jesus Christ.  

Pray that the narcissist would elevate God to His rightful place in his/her life and stop turning to people to be their source of supply to fill the inner emotional void. Indeed, only God can fill that big, deep emptiness. Pray that they would have such an encounter with God that they would no longer need narcissistic supply but that God would be their true supply.

Pray that the narcissist would remove their false self off the pedestal and overcome the fear of reconnecting with their true self. Pray that they would open their heart for God to come in and resurrect their true selves. Pray that through God’s healing and nurturing, their true self could rise up to become the man or woman that God has called them to be. Call their true self to rise up. Speak life into the person that God created them to be. 

7. Pray for Truth to Replace Lies

Pray that the lies that the narcissist believes about themselves and others would be exposed to them and that they would know the truth. All those narcissistic traits you read about in psychology books, their high level of entitlement, their grandiose thinking… These are deep lies and false beliefs they have. Where do those lies come from?  Satan is called the father of lies.  The traits of the narcissist originate with him.  He came in early, in those formative years of the narcissist’s life, and embedded those lies deep within the foundation of their development.  Pray for those lies to be exposed and the power of those lies and beliefs to be broken by the power of Jesus’ name.  Pray that as the narcissists heal, they would love the truth more than they love honor.

8. Pray for Joy

Pray for the narcissist to have the disposition of love, joy, and peace—especially joy because the emotions of a narcissist are mostly negative. Their default emotions are anger, hatred, and envy. They are unhappy human beings. God created them for more than that.

9. Pray for Healing from Mother Issues

For some male narcissists, pray for their healing from unresolved mother-related issues. These issues may have led to an underlying contempt and condescension towards women, driven by traumatic experiences like abuse or abandonment involving their mothers.

10. Pray for Softness of Heart

Narcissism is an issue of hardness of heart. Pray that the narcissist would resist this. We know from stories like Pharaoh that when someone resists God, He can harden their heart (Exodus chapters 4-14). But scripture says God can also soften hearts (Ezekiel 11:19, 36:26). Regardless of whether the narcissist’s heart was hardened by trauma or as a result of their own choices, we know that God is sovereign above man. So, pray that God would soften the heart of a narcissist. Pray that they would be humble and open to hear God through the many ways that God reaches out to us. Pray that God will take their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh, as he promised in Ezekiel. 

11. Pray for Repentance

Pray that God would do whatever it takes to bring them to repentance, even if that means they have to hit rock bottom. This prayer is not from a place of vengeance or a wish for evil to come on them. Scripture says in Mark 8:36, “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world but lose his own soul?” This describes the plight of a narcissist who is brilliant at scheming to get what they want but does not see the cost at which it comes. God’s heart is that He doesn’t wish that anyone would perish (2 Peter 3:9), and that would include the narcissist.  So, pray that God would influence the narcissist’s will. Jesus says, “Behold I stand at the door and knock” (Revelation 3:20). Pray that the Lord would influence the narcissist’s will to open that door and to let Jesus in.

I hope these insights were helpful. If you know someone who is in a narcissistic relationship and is looking for a better understanding of what they are dealing with, share this blog with them so they can be empowered through prayer. 

Related Resources

Watch the video version of this blog here.

• Can Prayer Change a Narcissist? What Does the Bible Say? [Watch] [Read]
• The Demonic Spirits Behind Narcissism. [Watch] [Read]

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog

Downloadable Resources 

• Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist 
• 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• How to Pray for a Narcissist Guide
• Healing from Gaslighting