How God Deals with a Gaslighter

Beware the mind-altering tactics of gaslighting - a sinister manipulation of reality.  The term "gaslighting" has infiltrated our lives since its popularization in a 1944 movie. It involves distorting reality, causing individuals to question their own judgment and intuition. While it may seem like a modern psychological phenomenon, gaslighting originates from Satan, the father of lies. In this blog post, we will explore the story of King Saul as an example of gaslighting and how God responded. By examining this narrative, we can find encouragement that God sees through this manipulation and has zero tolerance for it. I hope this perspective will help you stand firm in the face of those who may try to undermine the discernment God has given you.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where the gaslighter imposes their version of reality on others, leading them to doubt their perceptions, judgments, and discernment. 

Why do people, particularly narcissists, gaslight others? To gain control and make people dependent on them. By instilling self-doubt, the gaslighter ensures compliance and creates a belief that the targeted individual cannot function without them. Sometimes gaslighting is intentional, conscious, and calculated. Other times, the gaslighter may be so accustomed to manipulating others that they do not realize they are doing it. Perhaps gaslighting was modeled to them in their childhood and became a way of life later. However, whether done consciously or unconsciously, gaslighting is a tool for manipulation and emotional abuse. Regardless of how gaslighters acquired their manipulative skills, they bear full responsibility for their actions and need to make a conscious effort to change. Gaslighting is not acceptable under any circumstances, and it is the gaslighter's duty to rectify their behavior.

The Destructive Effects of Gaslighting

The danger of gaslighting lies in its subtle and insidious nature. Gaslighters can present a charming and charismatic facade in public while terrorizing those affected in private. They manipulate how others perceive them, maintaining an admirable public persona while inflicting harm behind closed doors. This discrepancy in their behavior can leave a person feeling isolated and questioning their sanity.

They may wonder if the problems lie with them rather than the gaslighter. If the gaslighter is getting along with everyone else, and everyone else seems to love them, is the issue not with the victim? After all, isn't a testimony established by two or three witnesses? So while many witnesses see the charming side of the gaslighter, only a few or no one sees their dark, destructive side. This is why gaslighting is so dangerous; it isolates the abused individual by triangulating everyone else against them. The people who are manipulated by the gaslighter’s public facade perpetuate the emotional abuse by buying into their false persona and further gaslighting the victim. The abused person becomes the victim of a collective unintentional group of gaslighters, which can be highly traumatic. When numerous people believe in the gaslighter's false image, the victim may start questioning their sanity and feeling inherently flawed. This is precisely what the gaslighter wants. They are out to gain power and dominance over another human being.

Gaslighting in the Bible

Let's shift gears and explore an example from Scripture where someone attempts to gaslight God. Yes, gaslight God. This is the story of King Saul in 1 Samuel 15. It gives us a look at how God dealt with a gaslighter. The story takes place in ancient Israel, where Saul was king. At the time, Israel had unfriendly groups along its borders, including the Amalekites. So God gave Saul clear instructions on how to handle them. The command was explicit: “Go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them. Do not spare them. Men, women, children, and infants, cattle and sheep. Don’t leave anything alive" (1 Samuel 15:3)

So Saul gathers his army and ambushes the Amalekites. So far, so good. But then, when Saul goes into battle, he disobeys God's command. He spares King Agag and the best of the sheep and cattle, going against God's explicit instructions. After the battle, God expresses regret for making Saul king due to his disobedience. God’s prophet, Samuel, is grieved and cries out all night when God reveals what Saul had done.

Was Saul aware of his disobedience? Did he grasp the gravity of his sin? Gaslighters may have some understanding of reality but recreate a distorted version of it to manipulate and control others. They may know that what they are doing is wrong but justify their behavior to avoid looking in the mirror. They may become so attached to their justification that they convince themselves and others that their false reality is the truth.

In Saul's case, two realities were emerging. The first was the truth, God’s reality, where Saul failed to follow His instructions. This reality resulted in grief and sorrow for both God and Samuel. However, the second reality, Saul's alternate reality, resulted in Saul seeing himself as a hero to the point where he erected a monument in his honor. These opposite realities highlight the stark contrast between God’s grief and Saul's self-deception.

When Samuel arrives to confront Saul about his disobedience, Saul tries to manipulate the situation by emphasizing his obedience and deflecting blame. He greets Samuel saying, “Blessed are you of the Lord. I have performed the commandment of the Lord.” In Saul’s alternate reality, he changed the storyline to justify his behavior. Samuel calls Saul out on his actions, pointing out that he was in rebellion against God’s instructions and acting in arrogance. But Saul sticks with his own version of the story, even shifting the blame onto his own men, disregarding his leadership role in the disobedience. Eventually, Saul admits his sin before Samuel, but he is still more concerned about his image in front of the people than the consequences of his actions. He desires honor and affirmation rather than seeking God's mercy or attempting to recover what he has lost.

Saul, like many gaslighters, had a need for control and a desire to maintain his image, yet internally, he was deeply insecure. Saul, as a leader, succumbed to the pressures of the people, seeking their honor and validation. When someone constantly seeks approval from others, it becomes difficult for them to obey God.

How God Deals with Gaslighting

Conflicts will inevitably arise when you serve two masters—yourself and God. Gaslighters often present themselves as noble and pious, making sacrifices for others or even for God. However, their passive-aggressive behavior reveals a resistance to anything that doesn't align with their own will, often at the expense of others. So, what are some examples of gaslighting in everyday life? Gaslighters might make statements like, "You're terrible at remembering things," "You're too sensitive," "I never said that," or "You're crazy." They aim to undermine your perceptions, judgments, discernment, and reality. But here's the encouragement: while gaslighters may succeed in causing doubt among those around them, God cannot be fooled. He sees through it all and exposes the truth, even the unconscious motives of the gaslighter.

Regardless of the alternate reality a gaslighter creates, God will invariably confront the narcissist or gaslighter based on His actual reality, not the gaslighter's false version. Self-delusion and self-deceit do not make something true or more real. Convincing yourself of an alternative reality doesn't give you a get-out-of-jail-free card. No matter how persuasive or shaming the gaslighter may be, calling something "your truth" doesn't make it true. God will always judge the gaslighter according to His reality because His reality is the ultimate truth, and His laws will endure. As Isaiah 40:8 states, "The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God will stand forever." It will be a daunting day for a gaslighter who lives in self-deceit to face the crushing revelation that they have been dwelling in an entirely alternate reality and must face the consequences of living a lie instead of pursuing and embracing the truth.

In reality, when you embrace the truth and place your trust in God, you gain access to supernatural resources. As the Bible tells us, "For whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayer" (1 Peter 3:10-12). Gaslighting is a form of deception and lying that God identifies as evil. God called it rebellion and arrogance in the story of King Saul and the Amalekites. A person who engages in gaslighting positions themselves as an enemy of God. Although they may think they are getting away with their actions, they will ultimately face resistance from God. As 1 Peter 5:5-6 states, "God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time."

In conclusion, gaslighting is a form of manipulation that tries to undermine your sense of reality with an alternate version of reality. Gaslighters often combine gaslighting with a double-faced standard, thereby isolating their victims, causing them to question their sanity, and making them dependent on the gaslighter for a sense of reality. However, the story of Saul and the Amalekites shows us that God cannot be fooled by gaslighting and condemns it as prideful and rebellious against the truth. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you are often gaslighted, trust in God's guidance and look for trusted individuals who can support you in rebuilding your sense of reality. 

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Downloadable Resources 

• Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist 
• 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• How to Pray for a Narcissist Guide
• Healing from Gaslighting