The Compassion Trap: 5 Ways Narcissists Exploit Your Empathy

Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They use the best parts of you—your compassion, your desire to see others healed and whole, and even your faith—to keep you trapped in their web. This article will share five ways narcissists exploit your compassion and, more importantly, how you can safeguard yourself without compromising your faith or integrity.

Let’s dive in.

1. They Weaponize Forgiveness

One way narcissists exploit your compassion is by weaponizing forgiveness. If you are a person of faith, they may twist scriptures like “forgive seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) or “if you don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you” to make you feel that holding them accountable is somehow wrong. They might claim forgiveness means forgetting what they did and giving them a clean slate. That approach might work for an occasional, one-off offense, but when it comes to a longstanding pattern of harmful behavior, forgetting is actually unwise.

We are called to know a tree by its fruit, which means observing someone’s actions and attitudes over time. Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or ignoring destructive patterns. It’s about keeping your heart free from bitterness and entrusting justice to God. Forgiveness is about releasing the emotional debt someone owes you, not staying in a toxic relationship or allowing repeated harm.

Even Jesus set boundaries with people who refused to change. For example, in Matthew 10:14, He instructed His disciples to “shake the dust off their feet” if a town or home would not welcome them or listen to their message. This wasn’t an act of unkindness but a boundary. Jesus was clear that the disciples weren’t to force their message on anyone. They were to leave and move on, entrusting the situation to God.

This example shows that forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to stay in a situation where someone refuses to change. Boundaries are an act of love—for yourself and even for the other person—because they create space for accountability and growth. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise

2. They Play the Victim

Narcissists are experts at playing the victim. They know how to craft a narrative that makes them appear misunderstood, wounded, or even persecuted. This taps into your God-given desire to help others, pulling at your heartstrings and making you feel compelled to step in.

But this tactic isn’t about healing; it’s about control. Narcissists thrive on chaos, and their goal is to position themselves as needing rescue. When your compassion is stirred, ask yourself: Is this person truly in need, or are they creating a crisis to pull me into their dysfunction?

The Bible calls us to be “as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves” (Matthew 10:16). This doesn’t mean becoming cynical but balancing compassion with wisdom. True discernment helps you differentiate between genuine need and manipulation.

Galatians 6:5 reminds us: “Each one should carry their own load.” While we are called to bear one another’s burdens, there’s a difference between offering temporary help and enabling a pattern of irresponsibility. Compassion doesn’t mean fixing every problem, especially when those problems are self-inflicted or manipulative.

Guard your heart by recognizing this truth: real care involves helping others grow and take responsibility, not rescuing them from the consequences of their actions.

3. They Twist Scripture to Justify Control

Another tactic narcissists use is twisting scripture to justify control. This is one of their most insidious tools because it preys on your faith and reverence for God’s Word. They cherry-pick verses, pulling them out of context to serve their agenda.

For example, they may quote “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22) while ignoring the verse before it, which calls for mutual submission out of reverence for Christ. Their goal isn’t honoring God but enforcing dominance.

When scripture is used as a weapon instead of a guide, it’s a major red flag. True biblical leadership reflects Christ’s example of humility and servanthood. Jesus didn’t dominate His disciples—He served them. God’s Word is meant to bring freedom and transformation, not fear or oppression.

In Matthew 4, Satan himself quoted scripture to tempt Jesus. But Jesus countered with the full truth of God’s Word. This shows how essential it is to study scripture in context. Misusing scripture is not about truth—it’s about power, and narcissists know how to exploit that.

To safeguard yourself:

•  Know the Word in context. Study scripture holistically, understanding its original meaning.
•  Seek wise counsel. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.” Trusted mentors can help you recognize when scripture is being misapplied.
•  Trust the Spirit of Truth. John 16:13 reminds us that the Holy Spirit guides us into all truth. If something feels off, bring it to God in prayer.

4. They Exploit Humility and Self-Sacrifice

Narcissists exploit your Christlike desire to serve and love others, turning your humility and self-sacrifice into tools for manipulation. They might accuse you of being selfish or unloving when you set boundaries or prioritize your well-being.

Humility and self-sacrifice, however, are not about enabling sin or tolerating abuse. Even Jesus set boundaries. In Luke 5:16, He withdrew from the crowds to rest and pray. He knew His ministry required stewardship of His energy and alignment with God’s will.

When narcissists accuse you of selfishness, remember: prioritizing health and alignment with God’s will is not selfish—it’s obedience. Boundaries are a way to steward the gifts, time, and energy God has entrusted to you.

5. They Fake Piety to Gain Trust

Finally, narcissists often fake godliness to gain your trust. They know how important faith is to you, so they mimic spiritual language, quote scripture, and participate in religious activities to appear virtuous. This façade is meant to disarm you and make you believe they share your values.

But as Jesus warned in Matthew 7:15: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”

Look for fruit, not fanfare. A truly godly person exhibits consistent character—humility, love, and genuine transformation—not manipulation or domination.

Final Thoughts

If your compassion has been exploited, know this: your empathy is a gift from God, but it’s not a free pass for someone else’s abuse. You can live out your faith and protect your heart at the same time. Trust God’s Word, lean on His Spirit for discernment, and remember that setting boundaries is not unloving—it’s wise stewardship of the life God has given you.

Click here to watch the video version of this blog.

Related Resources

• Why You Feel Guilty For Setting Boundaries: 6 Lies the Narcissist Uses to Blame You for Your Needs [Read] [Watch]
• 5 Types of Boundaries You Need to Set with the Narcissist [Read] [Watch]
• Should you Forgive an Abuser 70 X 7 Times?  How an Abuser Exploits & Weaponizes What the Bible Teaches about Forgiveness [Watch]
• Tempted to Get Revenge on the Narcissist? How God Deals with Someone Who Caused You So Much Pain [Watch]
• Can you Reconcile with a Narcissist?  What does the Bible Say about it? [Watch]
• Can A Narcissist Change? 10 Ways to Tell if Their Repentance is Real. [Watch]
• Hoovering or Genuine Change? 7 Ways to Test it Out After an Abusive Relationship with a Narcissist [Read] [Watch]
• Three Keys to Navigate Transition [Watch]

Downloadable Resources 

• Checklist: Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments
• Checklist: 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• Guide: How to Pray for a Narcissist
• Prayer: Healing from Gaslighting
• E-book: 7 Steps to Spot a Narcissist