The Religious Narcissist’s War with God. How They Pretend to Love God but Covet His Position

 A religious narcissist often appears to be very spiritual. They may have an incredible understanding of the Bible. They may teach, preach, fast, pray, and lead a ministry. Yet, beneath this facade, they wage a silent war with God, a war they may not even acknowledge nor be aware of.

Why are religious narcissists at war with God? There are three ways that narcissists pit themselves against Him. Each of them reflects a narcissist's arrogant pursuit of narcissistic supply.

What is a Religious Narcissist?

To start, let’s get clear on some terms. What is a religious narcissist? A religious narcissist is a narcissist who uses religion to serve their narcissism. This person professes to love God and behaves piously, doing all the religious things and saying all the right things. They may have a big laundry list of religious requirements for everyone around them–but when you look up close and personal at their lives–they are chronically arrogant, entitled, lacking in heart-felt empathy, exploitative, and grandiose. They see themselves as superior. They are unable to regulate their negative emotions and need constant validation, affirmation, and admiration from others. They lack self-awareness. They tend to manipulate and deceive to get what they want. They often behave hypocritically, not practicing what they preach. They frequently hold double standards—one standard for themselves and another for the people they lead.

Does that sound familiar? The Scribes and Pharisees in the Bible, the religious narcissists of Jesus’ day, had those very traits. Jesus had some colorful things to say about them in Matthew 23, which I would encourage you to read.

So, let’s get into it.

Narcissists Want to Take God’s Role and Position in the Lives of Others

Narcissists war with God because they want to take God’s role and position in other people’s lives. Religious narcissists pursue this desire by surrounding themselves with the things of God. They want to be associated with Him, seen as like Him, or as His representative. They gravitate to ministry, church, serving, etc. They are attracted to this notion of being a representation of God because of their grandiosity, their superior view of themselves, and their addiction to narcissistic supply. 

The truth of the matter is that a narcissist is an addict. They are addicted to affirmation, validation, admiration, honor and praise, and significance, which psychology calls narcissistic supply. In many cases, a narcissist’s life choices are motivated by where they can get the most supply. Tragically, that is why many of them are attracted to (and hide in) churches and ministries.

Now, not all ministers and pastors are narcissists. Many of them love God and are motivated by a heart to serve. But it's those narcissistic leaders and narcissistic churches that make following Jesus a turn-off.

Hijacking Hierarchy

A narcissist’s sense of grandiosity and their belief that they are superior to others makes the idea of representing God a very attractive one. For example, they enjoy being on the podium because that makes them the center of attention. In positions of leadership, others listen to them and call them nice titles (pastor, father, prophet, reverend, apostle).

They are attracted to hierarchy and are likely to teach and preach quite a bit on topics such as honor, submission, obedience, and trusting God when you think your leader is wrong. They will heap huge and unreasonable expectations on their followers and do little to help them, making it difficult for people to follow God and even leading them astray. Jesus said about the religious Pharisees who were the narcissists of his day, “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.” (Matthew 23:13).

They Replace God’s Voice in Your Life

Narcissists trust their own discernment and insights so much that they assume that if they think something, God also thinks the same. Narcissists often profess to have spiritual encounters and may believe this is a sign that they are endorsed by God—or that God is just like them. It may be subtle, or it may be overt, but ultimately, the narcissist believes that your submission to God is evidenced by your complete and unquestioning submission to their personal will. They will teach you to hear and obey God, but before you know it, they will require you to run everything by them and submit your decision-making process to them.

Eventually, they will have you believe that they are the only ones who accurately hear God's voice, and/or they will tell you that what you are discerning is wrong and that you need to follow their direction. You can only hear God through them. You can’t trust your own discernment. As they manipulate you further into believing these lies, they take over God’s role in your life.

This puts the narcissist at war with God. God takes it very seriously when people overstep their position or authority and take His place.

Narcissists Make God into Their Image

The second subtle, insidious way that a narcissist is at war with God is that they make God into their own image instead of conforming themselves to His image. By doing so, they misrepresent God to His people and the world. In other words, a narcissist may look spiritual and do spiritual activities, but they impose their narcissism on their faith. They conform their faith to their narcissism rather than bringing their narcissistic tendencies into submission and obedience to the truth that they speak with their mouth. They have no intention of changing who they are, so they twist who God is to look like themselves. This delusion may not be conscious. A narcissist typically believes that they are representing God, but their conception of God is distorted and false.

This misrepresentation may take many forms. For example, narcissists often mouth the words about God being kind and forgiving, but they predominantly convey and represent God as angry, jealous, and full of judgment. This is because they relate more to God’s jealousy, anger, and judgment than they do to His compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. They only relate to His compassion, forgiveness, and mercy if they need to play the victim role or have been caught in sin… Then, they will require everyone else to demonstrate those virtues.

Narcissists also misrepresent God as a loving father and good shepherd. Even though they talk about God being a loving father or a shepherd, they use or abuse their “children.” They “feed themselves” rather than feeding and protecting the sheep (see Ezekiel 34:2-5). They require the sheep to serve them instead of serving the sheep themselves. Their idea of “fathering” is more like “bossing” people around and treating them like servants.

When a narcissist is so blinded by arrogance and self-deception, they create a god after their own image. It is this kind of misrepresentation that leads so many people to despise Christ and His church and to doubt the character of God. And so, God has to resist, confront, or rival them.

Justifying their Narcissism through a False Image of God

The narcissist’s misrepresentation of God also serves to justify their narcissistic traits as virtues. For example, a narcissist sees their pride and arrogance as confidence. They justify their entitlement by their position and feel that certain privileges are their right, including unquestioning obedience from the people they lead. They see exploitation as strategic leadership, savvy delegation, or discipleship. They justify imposing unreasonable expectations and demands or long work hours with explanations like: “It is a privilege to work for God.”

These twisted justifications are protected by another deception: Rather than seeing themselves as a humble servant who is made out of the dust of the earth, narcissists see themselves as next to God, on a throne beside Him. This manifests in an attitude that is not meek or humble. Narcissists do not identify at all with the scripture “I am a worm, and no man…” (Psalm 22:6) or “What is man that you are mindful of him?” (Psalm 8:4). When a narcissist believes they operate as an extension of God, they arrogantly resist or refuse outside input. They attack anyone who challenges their thinking.

It probably doesn’t surprise you that narcissists are far more likely to identify themselves as kings and prophets from the Old Testament than as the servants that Jesus called his followers to be to all (see Mark 35, Mark 10:42-45, Philippians 2:5-7). They may claim that their position of leadership is a manifestation that they have been anointed by God like Saul and David were. Or, if they have spiritual revelations of some sort, they may compare themselves to prophets like Moses and Jeremiah.

To defend their righteousness amid all this, narcissists weaponize scripture to justify their behavior and to keep people submitted to their beliefs. In other words, they do not use the scriptures to set people free but to put them in bondage to serve the narcissist.

At Odds with God

Narcissists do all these things in a subconscious effort to replace God. In doing so they pull people away from the true God and lure them into committing idolatry. Some may even become complicit in the narcissist’s sins. While the narcissist may outwardly preach about Jesus Christ, affirming Him as the Head of the church and orchestrating ministries and programs centered around Him, the inner workings of their ministries reveal a different reality. Behind the scenes, various systems are strategically implemented to guarantee that they, rather than Jesus, remain in control as the true leaders.

This attempt to replace God, to portray God as like themselves, and to justify their narcissism through the scripture puts a narcissist at odds with God. It’s a dangerous thing to attempt to replace God. Scripture shows how God contends with anyone who tries to take his place: He always shows Himself to be God. Think of Pharaoh. God sent the ten plagues to show that He was God and Pharaoh was not (Exodus 11-13). He humbled Nebuchadnezzar as well, making him like a wild animal that ate grass (Daniel 4). Herod, too, refused to give praise to God and was struck dead (Acts 12). Instantly. God did the same thing to the Philistines who tried to take Samson prisoner. God allowed Samson to take them out because He wanted to show the world who was the boss (Judges 16). God will never let a narcissist who seeks to take His place in peoples’ lives have the final say. 

Narcissists Desire Worship Meant for God

Thirdly, a narcissist is at war with God because they want the worship that is meant for God alone. A narcissist wants you to admire them, praise them, honor them, thank them–essentially, they want you to worship them. They crave this praise and attention. It is their drug, their narcissistic supply. When God becomes the center of attention and draws the worship and devotion He deserves, a narcissist becomes threatened and envious. We can see this play out in the Bible. The religious Pharisees and leaders could not stand the fact that the crowds were following Jesus and giving Him their praise, honor, and adoration. The Bible says that it was envy that caused the religious Pharisees to hand Jesus over to be crucified (Mark 15:10). Narcissists may not even be aware of it, but they are preoccupied with drawing people, praise, power, and honor to themselves, rather than directing attention, praise and worship towards God. They lead people to themselves rather than to God. The more they receive success and praise, the more the narcissist believes they are like God.

Conclusion

To recap, a narcissist wars with God in three ways (1) by trying to replace Him in the lives of others, (2), by misrepresenting God in their own image, and, (3) by coveting His praise for themselves.

God speaks about these kinds of leaders as false shepherds in the Book of Jeremiah, where he says, “I did not send these so-called prophets, but they have run to you with their empty words. I did not speak to them, but they claim to speak for Me” (Jeremiah 23:13). These leaders are at war with God because they not only prevent you from accessing God because they take over His place, but they push others away from God by making Him unattractive. This is the same religious spirit that murdered Jesus. It’s diabolical warfare. It tries to annihilate God by slowly taking his place until He is out of the equation. 

This is what the Bible says about that religious narcissistic spirit, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:1-5). These are narcissistic, abusive people who have this appearance of godliness and spiritual substance, but it is just an illusion. God says to have nothing to do with such people (2 Timothy 3:5). Such people were alive and well in Jeremiah’s day. God said about them, “Am I a God anyone can hide from? Do I not see what happens in secret? Am I not everywhere, filling heaven and earth? I have heard these prophets who speak lies in My name. They say, “I had a dream, I had a dream,” and claim it was Me speaking to them! How long will this go on? Will the hearts of these lying prophets ever change? How long will they deceive themselves and all who listen to them? They think they can make My people forget My name with all this talk of dreams—just as their ancestors forgot My name as they worshiped Baal” (Jeremiah 23:23-28). These false prophets and false shepherds were alive in Jesus’ day and in Paul’s day, and how much more are they multiplying to this day?

How to Spot a Religious Narcissist

How can you know if you are in the presence of a narcissist who is at war with God?

Jesus said that you will know a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:15-20). The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). The fruit of narcissism is arrogance, entitlement, envy, exploitation, lack of self-awareness, blame-shifting, grandiosity, self-importance, and addiction to position, praise, honor, and admiration. Of course, no human being is perfect. The fruit a person bears shows how they practice life on a regular basis.

This is the key word: practice. You will see the fruit of what a person practices. Fruit is a matter of the heart. It is what comes out of a person’s heart. Scripture tells us that we can know what is in someone’s heart by paying close attention to what comes out of a person’s mouth. Luke 6:45 says that a person speaks from the outflow of their heart. By the time a person utters anything, it has already filled up their heart. It is also important to pay attention to a person’s actions and how congruent their words are with their actions. If a person is very clever and masterful in their use of speech, and their speech and actions are not congruent, then the issues of the heart will leak out in the hypocrisy of their actions.

Religious narcissists want to give the appearance of being close to God. So, they pursue spirituality in a narcissistic way. They might do spiritual activities, but their narcissistic traits will leak out of them eventually. 

Related Resources

Watch the video version of this blog here.

• Are you recovering from a narcissistic relationship? Check out my group coaching program, "Recover Your Identity After Narcissistic Relationships." We have groups for both men and women. Enrollment for the January 2024 cohort is currently open.
• Is My Church Turning Into a Cult? 10 Signs to Watch for. [Read] [Watch]
• The Addiction of Religious Narcissists: How They Pursue Narcissistic Supply Through Religious Camouflage. [Read] [Watch]
• The Demonic Spirits Behind Narcissism [Read] [Watch]
• Shepherd or Wolf; Telling True Leaders from Narcissists [Watch]
• The Hypocrisy of Religious Narcissists: 3 Things Jesus Said You Should Do When You Encounter Religious Narcissists [Watch] 
• Gaslighting in the Bible: How God Deals with a Gaslighter [Read] [Watch] 
• Should you Forgive an Abuser 70 X 7 Times? How an Abuser Exploits & Weaponizes What the Bible Teaches about Forgiveness [Watch]
• The Religious Blame-Shifter. How a Religious Narcissist Blame-Shifts and Spiritualizes It [Watch]
• How Religious Covert Narcissists Manipulate You with Scripture [Watch]
• How God Sees the Narcissist Pastor [Watch] 

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog

Downloadable Resources 

• Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist 
• 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• How to Pray for a Narcissist Guide
• Healing from Gaslighting