They Will Know Us By Our Love

It is a deception to believe that just because you are spiritually gifted, God is endorsing you.

It is entirely possible to be gifted and miss the whole point of being a Christian.

We have elevated the gifting and talents of our leaders above assessing their capacity to love. I'm not saying it's one or the other. We do need the gifts; however, gifts without the ability to love ought to be a deal-breaker when bringing leaders on board.

We  should all be on a journey of learning to love better. However, some people invest their efforts to grow in love while others invest them into creating an image of being someone who loves. The church is in desperate need of discernment to spot the difference between these two types of people.

Jesus said that the world would know us by our love for one another (John 13:35). The problem with the toxic, narcissistic leader, what I call the modern-day version of a religious Pharisee, is that he lacks love. True to the origin of his name, he has fallen in love with his image.

I compare narcissistic leaders to the religious leaders in the Bible because the predominant emotions of narcissists, behind their false mask of love and empathy are the same as those of the religious leaders: anger, hatred and envy. And Paul gives us a sober warning about the deceptiveness of such people (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). They can function brilliantly in the following supernatural gifts without an ounce of love:

- speaking in heavenly and human tongues
- prophesying
- fathoming the mysteries of God
- operating in the gift of knowledge
- walking by a level of faith that can move mountains
- being incredibly generous, giving their money away to the poor
- enduring intense physical hardship

However, according to God, without love, a ministry with the above gifts means absolutely nothing. All it releases is a loud, jarring noise in the corridors of heaven. Such ministry leaders do not love their communities, nor their followers, or their team, let alone their enemies. They love the image their ministries create of them. They bring the name of the One Who said, "They will know us by our love," into reproach.

 If Jesus is our model, could it be that Christians need to pray for discernment to know when to show kindness, grace, and mercy, but also when to be confrontational with manipulative, deceptive personality types in leadership? Perhaps this dichotomous approach is what is needed in the church today, to enforce mutual accountability.

 Yes, we should honor leaders for their work, but not at the cost of them diminishing the function of the other parts of the Body and elevating themselves to such a degree that they view no one as their equal, where no one is qualified to speak into their lives, except the Lord Jesus Himself.

Honoring leadership should not come at the cost of Christians enabling dysfunctional, manipulative, tyrannical leadership. To “honor” leadership in this way is to come into agreement with an unbiblical system of leadership that perpetuates further abuses, and prevents people from encountering the true character of God. It is a repetition of the same demonic religious system that nailed Jesus to the cross.

Jesus rightly said to the Pharisees, "But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in" (Matthew 23:13).