Why Narcissists Go from Bad to Worse: A Biblical Reality Check
Jan 15, 2025
Sarah sat in her church office, tears streaming down her face as her pastor offered what he thought was encouraging advice: "Just keep praying for him. God can change anyone." After fifteen years of marriage to a narcissistic husband, she'd heard this well-meaning counsel countless times. Like many Christians, she believed that with enough faith, patience, and love, her husband would eventually transform. This belief, though rooted in the beautiful truth of God's redemptive power, often keeps victims trapped in cycles of abuse while waiting for a change that rarely comes.
The reality is more complex and, in many ways, more challenging to accept. While God's power to transform lives remains absolute and unlimited, the spiritual dynamics of narcissistic behavior create unique barriers that make genuine change extremely rare. Understanding this truth doesn't diminish God's power; rather, it helps us grasp the profound nature of what such transformation would require.
Why Change Is So Rare
The Compounding Effect
Think of sin like a seed that, when regularly watered and fertilized, grows into a deeply rooted tree. Each act of deception, each moment of pride, each instance of manipulation adds another layer of growth. Just as you can't simply pull up a mature tree by its roots, years or decades of practiced narcissistic behavior create patterns that become increasingly resistant to change.
Remember King Saul in the Bible? His story in 1 Samuel is a perfect example of this progression. When we first meet Saul, he's actually described as humble - hiding among the baggage when they wanted to make him king. But over time, pride took root. He started making impulsive decisions, disobeying God's commands, and eventually became consumed with jealousy toward David. There's this powerful moment in 1 Samuel 24 where David spares Saul's life in a cave and confronts him about his actions. Saul breaks down crying, admitting "You are more righteous than I." It looks like a breakthrough moment, right? But what happened the very next day? He went right back to trying to kill David. Why? Because those patterns were so deeply rooted in who he had become. The seed of pride had grown into a massive tree.
The Missing Safeguards
The second thing - and this is crucial - is that God built safeguards into our lives to keep us from going too far down the wrong path. These safeguards are things like consequences for our actions and feedback from others. But here's what narcissists do: they systematically remove these safeguards. When someone tries to give them feedback about their behavior, they attack that person's character, twist the situation to make themselves the victim, or simply cut that person out of their life entirely. When they face consequences for their actions, they'll create elaborate stories about how others are persecuting them, or they'll find ways to make others bear the weight of those consequences. They build a protective fortress around themselves where no truth can penetrate. So there's nothing left to stop them from going further and further down that destructive path.
This mirrors the biblical warning in 2 Timothy 3:13, which states that "evil people and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived." The dual nature of deception—both of others and of self—creates a spiral that becomes increasingly difficult to escape.
The Spiritual Blindness
Perhaps most critically, narcissistic behavior involves active resistance to the very power that could bring transformation. Like the Pharisees who maintained an appearance of godliness while rejecting its power, narcissists often present a pious exterior while internally resisting the Holy Spirit's transformative work.
This resembles Jesus's teaching about the rich entering the Kingdom of God—it's not that God's power is insufficient, but that the person's orientation makes them highly resistant to change. Just as wealth can create a false sense of self-sufficiency that blocks recognition of need for God, narcissistic patterns create a fortress of self-deception that resists divine intervention.
A Call to Wise Compassion
Understanding this reality doesn't mean abandoning hope in God's power to transform lives. Rather, it calls us to a more nuanced and wise approach to dealing with narcissistic behavior. Just as Jesus advised being "wise as serpents and innocent as doves," we must hold both the possibility of divine intervention and the reality of human patterns in tension.
For those in relationships with narcissists, this understanding provides crucial wisdom for decision-making. While maintaining faith in God's power to transform any life, you can make informed choices about your boundaries, safety, and healing rather than remaining indefinitely in harmful situations waiting for change that may never come.
Think about Jezebel in the Bible. In Revelation 2:20-21, God says He gave her time to repent of her immorality and false teaching. She was this powerful queen we read about in 1 Kings who promoted false worship, manipulated others, and persecuted God's prophets. Even though she had done terrible things, God still gave her an opportunity to turn around. But she was so entrenched in her ways that she refused. It's a sobering picture of someone who's been given a chance to change but chooses not to take it.
The truth about narcissistic change isn't a message of hopelessness but of realistic hope—hope that's grounded in both God's power and the reality of human choice. This understanding frees us to make wise decisions while leaving the door open for God's miraculous intervention, should genuine repentance occur.
Click here to watch the video version of this article.
Related Resources
- Can God Heal a Narcissist? [Read] [Watch]
- Can A Narcissist Change? 10 Ways to Tell if Their Repentance is Real. [Watch]
- Hoovering or Genuine Change? 7 Ways to Test it Out After an Abusive Relationship with a Narcissist [Read] [Watch]
- Letter to the Pastor's (or Minister's) Wife [Read] [Watch]
- Why God Allows Toxic Relationships: 5 Ways He Uses Them for Good [Read] [Watch]
- Can you Reconcile with a Narcissist? What does the Bible Say about it? [Watch]
- Why You Feel Guilty For Setting Boundaries: 6 Lies the Narcissist Uses to Blame You for Your Needs [Read] [Watch]
- 5 Types of Boundaries You Need to Set with the Narcissist [Read] [Watch]
- Should you Forgive an Abuser 70 X 7 Times? How an Abuser Exploits & Weaponizes What the Bible Teaches about Forgiveness [Watch]
- Tempted to Get Revenge on the Narcissist? How God Deals with Someone Who Caused You So Much Pain [Watch]
- Three Keys to Navigate Transition [Watch]
Downloadable Resources
Want more content like this?
Get encouraging and empowering content delivered straight to your inbox! JoinĀ my mailing list to receive weekly blogs and resources.
By filling this form, you agree to receive quality-filled communications from us. We will never spam you or share your information with a third party.
