What Jesus ACTUALLY Did When Confronted by Narcissists (And Why It Matters Today)

Apr 23, 2025

Have you ever felt like the more you try to be like Jesus with a toxic person, the worse things get? Your kindness gets used against you. Your silence gets mocked. Your boundaries get ignored. Here's something we don't talk about enough: Jesus Himself dealt with people just like this. And his responses weren't what most of us think—they weren't passive or weak. They were smart, bold, and freeing.

In this article, I want to show you how Jesus handled narcissists... and why His example can help you break free from toxic relationships.

If you're dealing with a narcissistic spouse, parent, boss, or even church leader, you're not alone. And this article will show you something that changed my life: Jesus already showed us exactly how to handle these situations.

When you look at how Jesus described the Pharisees and how they acted—it's amazing how much they behaved like what we now call narcissists. In Matthew 23, Jesus gives us the clearest picture of their character:

"Everything they do is done for people to see" (v. 5) — They constantly needed attention and praise.
"They love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues" (v. 6) — They felt entitled to special treatment.
"They tie up heavy loads and put them on other people's shoulders, but they themselves aren't willing to lift a finger to move them" (v. 4) — They showed no empathy for others.
"They shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people's faces" (v. 13) — They controlled others for their own benefit.
"On the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness" (v. 28) — They wore a mask to hide their true nature.

Sound familiar? These behaviors match what we now recognize as narcissistic traits: self-importance, entitlement, lack of empathy, controlling behavior, and a false public image. Jesus also met other narcissistic people in the Gospels, like Herod who was so threatened by a baby that he ordered children to be killed, and rich rulers who couldn't imagine giving up their wealth. What's great is that Jesus didn't just put up with these behaviors—He showed us exactly how to respond with both wisdom and strength.

Let's look at seven ways Jesus responded to narcissists—and how you can use His example in your own life.

1. Jesus Set Clear Boundaries

Jesus was amazing at setting boundaries, even with powerful people. In Luke 13:31-32, when told that Herod wanted to kill Him, Jesus said: "Go tell that fox, 'I will keep on driving out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.'" Jesus didn't change His plans because of Herod's threats. He didn't apologize for what He was doing. He kept His boundaries and His mission. He even called Herod a "fox," showing He understood the king's sneaky nature.

In Matthew 12:46-50, when His family came looking for Him while He was teaching, Jesus pointed to His disciples and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." Jesus wasn't being rude to His family. He was setting a boundary around His work and purpose. He wouldn't let family pressure pull Him away from His calling.

Why this works with narcissists: Narcissists count on you having weak or no boundaries. They test limits constantly to see what they can get away with. Normal relationship give-and-take doesn't work with them because they see compromise as weakness they can exploit. When you set clear, firm boundaries like Jesus did, you're speaking the only language narcissists understand—consequences. Without boundaries, narcissists will keep pushing until they completely control your time, energy, and choices.

What this means for you:

Setting boundaries with narcissistic people isn't un-Christian—it's actually following Jesus' example. Healthy boundaries might look like:

Limiting time with people who drain your energy
Clearly saying what behaviors you will and won't accept
Refusing to get pulled into arguments that go nowhere
Not taking blame for things that aren't your fault
Protecting your time and energy from being used up
Staying true to your values even when pressured to change

Remember, Jesus showed perfect love—but He never walked on eggshells. He never gave up His mission or identity to please others or avoid conflict.

2. Jesus Didn't JADE: [Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain]

One thing I've noticed is that Jesus rarely fell into the trap of JADE—Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. This is something many of us do with narcissists, and it usually just makes things worse. In Matthew 21:23-27, when the religious leaders questioned Jesus' authority, He didn't get defensive. Instead, He asked them a question: "John's baptism—where did it come from? Was it from heaven, or from humans?"

When they wouldn't answer, Jesus simply said, "Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things." He saw the trap and didn't play into it. He didn't feel the need to prove His authority. During His trial before Pilate in Matthew 27:11-14, when Jesus was accused by the chief priests, "he gave no answer." The text says Pilate was amazed at how Jesus stayed silent when accused.

Why this works with narcissists: Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions and drama.

When you try to justify, argue, defend, or explain yourself, you're giving them exactly what they want—proof that they've gotten under your skin and control over the conversation. Unlike healthy people who engage in good faith, narcissists aren't interested in understanding your perspective; they're looking for weaknesses and information they can use against you later. The more you explain, the more ammunition you give them. Jesus understood that silence or brief responses deprive narcissists of the emotional fuel they need.

What this means for you:

With narcissistic people, saying less is often better. You don't need to justify your feelings, argue your point, defend your choices, or explain your reasoning. These efforts usually go nowhere and just wear you out. Instead, try saying:

"That's your opinion, and you're entitled to it."
"We'll have to disagree on this."
"I've made my decision."
"I understand that's how you see it."
Or sometimes, just stay quiet, like Jesus did.

Jesus knew that some arguments are actually traps. True wisdom knows when to speak and when to walk away. When you stop JADEing, you take back your power and peace.

3. Jesus Used Strategic Disengagement

Jesus knew when to engage and when to walk away. He didn't feel obligated to stay in harmful situations. In Luke 4:28-30, after Jesus spoke in the synagogue in Nazareth, the people got angry and tried to throw Him off a cliff. The text says, "But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way." Jesus didn't stay to argue or try to convince them. He recognized when talking was pointless and simply left. He didn't see this as failing or being cowardly, but as being wise about His mission.

In John 8:59, when the religious leaders picked up stones to kill Him after an argument, "Jesus hid himself, slipping away from the temple grounds." Again, He saw the danger and chose to leave rather than escalate the conflict.

Why this works with narcissists: Narcissists need constant attention and engagement—even negative attention satisfies them.

They create no-win situations where staying engaged means you lose. Unlike healthy relationships where working through conflict brings resolution, with narcissists, more engagement often means more abuse. They interpret your continued presence as permission to keep mistreating you. By disengaging, like Jesus did, you remove their power source. It also shows them that their manipulation tactics won't work, which narcissists need to learn since they only respect strength and consequences.

What this means for you:

Sometimes the wisest response to narcissistic behavior is to disengage.

This might look like:

Physically walking away from fights that are going in circles
Emotionally detaching from provocations meant to upset you
Using the "gray rock" method (being boring and unresponsive to avoid feeding drama)
Setting firm limits on communication (specific times, topics, or methods)

In some cases, cutting contact when the relationship is consistently harmful

Walking away isn't about being weak or giving up—it's about being wise like Jesus. It's recognizing when continued engagement is pointless and harmful. Jesus shows us that sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is walk away with your dignity intact.

4. Jesus Spoke Truth to Power

While Jesus knew when to walk away, He also wasn't afraid to speak truth directly to powerful people, even when it was risky. Now you will definitely want to ask God for discernment in your particular situation because wisdom might mean disengaging rather than confronting, especially if confronting could jeapordize your safety. That being said, in some situations, with some narcissistic people, confronting could be exactly what is needed.

In Matthew 23, Jesus gave one of the strongest rebukes in the Bible—against the religious leaders of His day. He called out the Pharisees' hypocrisy, saying "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!" He wasn't mean, but He was very clear about the harm they were causing.

In Luke 13:15-16, when criticized for healing on the Sabbath, Jesus directly exposed their double standard: "You hypocrites! Doesn't each of you on the Sabbath untie your ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? Then should not this woman... be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?" Jesus didn't sugarcoat things or pretend everything was fine when it wasn't. He spoke truth clearly, especially when vulnerable people were being hurt.

This kind of jolting confrontation is necessary because narcissists create alternate realities where they're always right and their harmful behavior is justified. They rely on others accepting their distorted version of events. Unlike in healthy relationships where gentle correction is received well, narcissists need direct truth-telling to pierce through their false narratives.

When you speak truth clearly like Jesus did, you refuse to participate in the narcissist's delusion. This is especially important because narcissists count on everyone staying silent about their behavior—speaking truth breaks this pattern and can protect others from being manipulated.

This could look like:

Calmly pointing out contradictions: "What you're saying now doesn't match what you said earlier."
Refusing to accept false stories: "That's not what happened."
Standing up for others being mistreated: "The way you're speaking to her is not okay."
Speaking your truth, even when it's not what the narcissist wants to hear
Setting clear consequences: "If you continue to speak to me this way, I'll need to end this conversation."

Speaking truth is not disrespectful—it's right. Jesus shows us that we can be both truthful and dignified, both clear and calm. Truth breaks the spell of manipulation and gaslighting that narcissists use to control others.

5. Jesus Maintained His identity and Mission

Throughout all his dealings with difficult people, Jesus never lost sight of who he was and what he came to do. He didn't let their accusations or manipulations define Him.

In John 8:12-14, when the Pharisees challenged His testimony about Himself, Jesus said, "Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid, for I know where I came from and where I am going." Jesus knew His identity and purpose so well that others' opinions couldn't shake Him.

He didn't need their approval to know who He was.

Narcissists are masters at making you doubt yourself. They use projection, gaslighting, and criticism to make you question your worth, perceptions, and abilities.

Unlike healthy relationships that affirm your identity, narcissists try to erase and redefine you to serve their needs. They need you to be confused about who you are so they can control you. By maintaining a strong sense of identity like Jesus did, you create an internal anchor that narcissistic manipulation can't move.

Here are ways to not lose your power and to stay grounded:

Regularly remind yourself of who God says you are—loved, worthy, valuable
Don't take in the narcissist's negative labels
Stay connected to your purpose and values even under pressure
Make decisions based on your identity in Christ, not on the narcissist's expectations
Spend time with people who affirm your true worth
Read Scripture to ground yourself in God's view of you

Narcissists try to confuse you about who you are, making you doubt yourself. Jesus shows us the power of knowing who you are and standing firm in that truth, no matter how others try to define you.

6. Jesus had Compassion Without Compromise

Even in His firmest moments with difficult people, Jesus maintained compassion. He saw beyond their behavior to their brokenness, without compromising His boundaries or truth.

In Luke 19:41-44, as Jesus approached Jerusalem—the very city where the religious leaders who opposed Him were centered—He wept over it, saying, "If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes." Even though these were the people plotting to kill Him, Jesus felt genuine sadness over their spiritual blindness and the consequences they would face.

On the cross, Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). Even in His most painful moment, Jesus showed compassion for those hurting Him. He saw their brokenness behind their pride. But he never excused their behavior or stayed silent about the wrong. His compassion didn't mean allowing abuse.

What this could look like in your life:

Praying for the narcissist's healing
Understanding that their behavior often comes from deep insecurity
Forgiving them for your own freedom, whether or not the relationship can be restored
Keeping compassion while still holding firm boundaries
Knowing the difference between enabling and loving
Seeing them through God's eyes without taking responsibility for fixing them

7. Jesus Prioritized the Vulnerable

One of the most striking things about Jesus' ministry was how He consistently put the vulnerable ahead of the powerful. He gave special attention to those who had been harmed by abusive systems.

In Matthew 18:6, Jesus said, "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."

Jesus took the harm of vulnerable people very seriously. He wasn't neutral when it came to abuse of power. Narcissists operate differently. They create environments where protecting their image and ego becomes everyone's job. They train people to worry more about the narcissist's feelings than about the harm they cause. Unlike healthy leaders who protect those under their care, narcissists sacrifice others to protect themselves.

Here what emulating Jesus could look like:

Believing and supporting victims of narcissistic abuse
Prioritizing the safety of children and vulnerable adults
Speaking up when others are being mistreated, even when it costs you
Creating safe spaces for those who have been harmed
Refusing to help cover up or minimize abuse
Recognizing that you too deserve protection when you're vulnerable

For years, I struggled with how to deal with a narcissistic person in my life while still being "Christian" about it. I thought turning the other cheek meant having no boundaries. I thought forgiveness meant continuing to trust someone who repeatedly broke that trust. I thought respecting authority meant accepting mistreatment from those in power. It wasn't until I really studied how Jesus dealt with narcissistic people that I realized I had it all wrong. Jesus wasn't a doormat. He wasn't a people pleaser. He didn't enable abuse or pretend it wasn't happening.

He was firm, clear, and truthful. He set boundaries. He walked away when needed. And he never lost His compassion or His mission in the process. Understanding this changed how I approached that relationship. I stopped trying to convince, explain, or fix. I started setting clear boundaries. I spoke the truth without attacking. I walked away when conversations became unhealthy. And I kept my focus on who God said I was, not on who this person said I was. It wasn't easy, and it didn't magically change the other person. But it gave me freedom and peace that I hadn't felt before. I found myself no longer trapped in the cycle of manipulation, guilt, and confusion that had defined our relationship for so long. Following Jesus' example helped me see that I could be both loving and boundaried, both compassionate and truthful. And you can experience this freedom too.

You don't have to guess anymore about how to respond to narcissistic people in your life. You have a model. And it's Jesus—who handled these situations perfectly, never manipulated, never intimidated, and never confused about who He was or what He came to do. Sometimes knowing that Jesus understands and has shown us the way can be the first step toward freedom.

Remember: God loves you deeply, and toxicity is not your destiny.

Watch the video version of this blog here.

Related Resources

Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist [Download]
A Religious Narcissist’s War with God; How They Claim to Love God but Covet His Position. [Read] [Watch]
The Addiction of Religious Narcissists: How They Pursue Narcissistic Supply Through Religious Camouflage [Read] [Watch]
Three Unforgettable Things Jesus Said You Should Do When You Encounter Religious Narcissists. [Watch]
Malignant Narcissists in Ministry: How to Spot Their Covert Tactics [Watch] [Read]
5 Things You Must Do When There Is Spiritual Abuse in Your Church [Read] [Watch]

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog.

Downloadable Resources

Want more content like this?

Get encouraging and empowering content delivered straight to your inbox! Join my mailing list to receive weekly blogs and resources.

By filling this form, you agree to receive quality-filled communications from us. We will never spam you or share your information with a third party.