Is Going No Contact Biblical?

Is going no contact biblical? Many people who follow Jesus struggle with the idea of going no contact with an abuser in their lives because it feels at odds with what they believe the Bible teaches. They’re made to feel that going no contact is unloving, unbiblical, or that they’re bitter, unforgiving, closed to reconciliation, or even influenced by cancel culture. In this blog, I’ll do a deep dive into what the Bible teaches on this issue, and I believe the Bible says more about it than we realize.

What is No-Contact?

Let’s start by defining what we mean by 'no contact.' Going no contact means completely cutting off communication with someone who is consistently toxic or abusive. While this might seem like a modern psychological trend, the truth is that the principle of distancing oneself from toxic people has been around for thousands of years. The Bible frequently speaks of the wisdom of distancing ourselves from those who act destructively, even if it uses different words to communicate that message.

Exploring Biblical Love (Part One)

I’ll break down this blog into two parts. In Part One, we’ll explore what it truly means to love someone according to the Bible—and it may not be what you think. Then, in Part Two, we’ll examine behaviors the Bible identifies as harmful or damaging, which justify setting firm boundaries or even going no contact. Let’s dive into Part One.

As followers of Jesus Christ, our faith calls us to love both God and others deeply—our neighbors and even our enemies. The greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. The second, equally profound, is to love our neighbors as ourselves. God takes our relationships seriously, whether they involve spouses, family members, friends, coworkers, or fellow believers.

What does it really look like to walk in love within all these relationships? Let’s turn to 1 Corinthians 13, the famous “love passage” in the Bible, where Paul paints a beautiful picture of what love is. He says, 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.'

What stands out to me here is that while love is patient and kind, it also has a strong commitment to truth and righteousness. This means that, yes, love can forgive, but it doesn’t ignore or condone evil behavior—whether it’s directed at oneself or others. Consider also Romans 12:9, which says, 'Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.' This is a powerful message. It shows us that genuine love must be honest and unwavering, and it reveals that we are called to reject evil completely. That’s a strong directive. The biblical Greek word for 'hate' in this verse means to utterly detest something, to have a strong aversion. This is the attitude we’re meant to have toward evil. We can’t simply turn a blind eye to wrongdoing; that’s not what the Bible teaches. Instead, we’re called to actively resist what is harmful.

These verses challenge the misconception that love requires us to remain in toxic situations or to be passive in the face of mistreatment. Many of us wrestle with this tension between showing love and needing boundaries. We might even feel guilty for considering going no contact with someone who is toxic. Severing ties with anyone, especially a fellow believer, can feel like an act of betrayal. But here’s the truth: setting boundaries is not only acceptable—it’s often essential. Going no contact may be necessary if you’re dealing with an unrepentant person who acts harmfully.

Recognizing Harmful Behaviors (Part Two)

Now, let’s transition into Part Two, where we’ll look at the behaviors that Scripture identifies as evil and examine situations where going no contact is warranted and even wise.

I hope this brings some clarity as you assess your situation and determine the next steps. Perhaps you’ve already tried setting various boundaries but now feel exhausted and depleted because the person in your life continually maneuvers around them, finds loopholes, or systematically pushes back. Or maybe every time you confront them, they double down, deny, deflect, manipulate, and gaslight—determined to position themselves as the victim. If you’ve experienced these behaviors repeatedly without any real change, then going no contact may be the next step for you. But I want to provide a biblical foundation for that decision.

Identifying Defiant, Harmful Behaviors

Now that we’ve established what biblical love looks like, let’s move on to an equally important step: identifying defiant, harmful behaviors. It’s essential to recognize what the Bible defines as harmful actions so we can understand the need for boundaries, including going no contact when necessary. In Galatians 5:19-21, Paul provides a clear list of behaviors considered 'acts of the flesh.' These include things like sexual immorality, impurity, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy.

Looking at these behaviors, it’s clear that they’re toxic and destructive—not only for the individual practicing them but also for everyone around them. Proverbs 6:16-19 further outlines behaviors that God hates, such as haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. These behaviors aren’t just flaws or bad habits; they’re serious issues that God specifically warns against—actions he despises.

Distinguishing Between Sin and Repentance

Now, you might be wondering, 'But haven’t I done some of these things too? I’m not innocent.' Does that mean others should go no contact with you? Is that what the Bible is saying? Definitely not. There’s a big difference between someone who sincerely seeks to walk in God’s way, stumbling occasionally but getting back up, confessing their sins, turning from them, and striving to improve by God’s grace—and someone who habitually engages in harmful behaviors, even considering them virtues.

Or perhaps they practice these behaviors in secret while maintaining a public façade of piety, defending their actions without shame. That’s a significant distinction. Here, we’re talking about the latter group. This second group is particularly dangerous, and these are the types of people Jesus often condemned in Scripture.

Let’s take this a bit further. In 1 John 1:5, we read, 'God is light; in him, there is no darkness at all.' This truth is foundational for understanding the nature of evil. If someone’s actions are rooted in darkness, manipulation, deceit, or constant negativity, they’re not reflecting God’s character.

So, what do we do when we’re in relationships with people who demonstrate these destructive behaviors? This assumes you’ve already made sincere efforts to address the issues tactfully and in ways that don’t harm you. Perhaps you’ve even gone through the Matthew 18 process to resolve a conflict, tried bringing up concerns with them in various ways to gain their ear, or set multiple boundaries, only to see them repeatedly crossed. At this point, each confrontation might feel like entering a war zone. You may have taken all these steps and find yourself exhausted, at the end of your rope.

And while you don’t necessarily have to go through all of them, it’s likely that you’ve tried. Most people don’t want to cut off a relationship they’ve invested deeply in and probably hoped for peace and reconciliation. But when all attempts fail, what’s next? You’re here because you want to honor God, to approach this from a biblical perspective, and to ensure you’re responding in a God-honoring way.

Guidance from Paul on Setting Boundaries

The Bible offers guidance on handling unrepentant individuals. Let’s look at some verses. Paul writes to the Corinthian church, 'But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked person from among you' (1 Corinthians 5:11-13).

Paul’s words here are echoed in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, where he writes, 'But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.'

In these passages, Paul provides clear guidance: when someone’s behavior aligns with these destructive patterns and they remain unrepentant, we are advised to distance ourselves. Even if they present a form of godliness, if their actions contradict that appearance, it’s often a sign that it’s time to step away. By doing so, we’re not only protecting ourselves but also honoring God’s wisdom on handling relationships that persist in darkness.

This is part of Paul’s guidance to the church. He instructs believers not to associate with those who claim to follow Christ but persist in sinful behaviors without repentance. Paul also writes to the Thessalonians, 'In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching you received from us'  2 Thessalonians 3:6.

Here, we see that even within the church, there are guidelines for maintaining healthy relationships. When someone causes ongoing disruption or lives in sin without any desire to change, it’s appropriate to step back. The Bible is very clear about this. Identifying these harmful behaviors in light of Scripture helps us understand why going no contact isn’t just acceptable—sometimes, it’s necessary. This allows us to protect ourselves while still holding true to our faith.

The Need for God's Wisdom and Guidance

I encourage you to seek God’s wisdom and guidance for your specific relationship because relationships are rarely black and white, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. God knows each person involved and cares deeply about their hearts.

God may have a unique path forward for you, one that might look different from someone else’s, so it’s important to pray and seek His direction. The purpose of this blog is to show you that there is biblical precedent for going no contact with someone who persists in destructive ways without repentance. You might need to take this step for your own peace and safety, and God will not fault you for it. Scripture outlines situations where it is acceptable to step back.

This topic can bring up a lot of cognitive dissonance. You or the narcissistic person in your life may have confused forgiveness with maintaining a relationship. They might believe that true forgiveness means you must continue to interact with them, regardless of the pain they cause, or whether they are repentant for their specific destructive behaviors. If this person apologizes to you but can’t specifically acknowledge where they’ve wronged you—instead offering vague statements like, 'I’m not perfect,' or 'I wronged you,' or 'I sinned against you'—it often lacks the accountability needed for genuine change.

Specific acknowledgment is necessary to demonstrate true understanding of the damage or trauma they caused you or others. Vague apologies, combined with a misunderstanding of biblical forgiveness, can lead to enabling toxic behavior. You may feel obligated to tolerate harmful actions in the name of love and forgiveness, but the truth is, it’s possible to forgive someone without allowing them ongoing access to your life. Did you know that Jesus forgave the Pharisees and religious leaders—the narcissists of his day—who conspired to crucify him? Yet he never allowed them to manipulate or control him, nor did he give them access to his heart or life while he was on earth. He set boundaries perfectly and did not sin in doing so. Another pervasive misconception is that being Christlike means enduring suffering at all costs, but that certainly wasn’t the case with Jesus.

There’s much more to discuss on how Jesus handled relationships, especially with toxic individuals. In an upcoming blog, I’ll explore how Jesus modeled these principles in his own relationships and how we can apply his example when it comes to giving people access to our hearts. Keep an eye out for that blog.

Remember, creating boundaries with someone harmful isn’t a failure to love—it can be a step toward honoring both God and yourself. Trust that God sees your heart and will lead you as you seek His wisdom in these decisions.

Watch the video version of this blog here.

Related Resources

• Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist [Download]
• A Religious Narcissist’s War with God; How They Claim to Love God but Covet His Position. [Read] [Watch]
• The Addiction of Religious Narcissists: How They Pursue Narcissistic Supply Through Religious Camouflage [Read] [Watch]
• Three Unforgettable Things Jesus Said You Should Do When You Encounter Religious Narcissists. [Watch]
• Malignant Narcissists in Ministry: How to Spot Their Covert Tactics [Watch] [Read]
• 5 Things You Must Do When There Is Spiritual Abuse in Your Church [Read] [Watch]

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog.

Downloadable Resources 

• Checklist: Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments
• Checklist: 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• Guide: How to Pray for a Narcissist
• Prayer: Healing from Gaslighting
• E-book: 7 Steps to Spot a Narcissist