Scapegoat Supply: Why Narcissists Obsessively Depend on Scapegoats to Maintain Their Image

Ever felt unfairly blamed? Perhaps you worked tirelessly in a team or business, giving your all to be an asset, only to find yourself continuously blamed and criticized, even for things beyond your control. You may have encountered similar dynamics in your family, where one member always seemed to put you down and find fault, while others received special treatment. If you've experienced this, you might have unknowingly become a scapegoat. In this blog, we'll delve into the concept of scapegoating and explore the multifaceted reasons why narcissists resort to making someone their scapegoat in order to thrive and survive.

What is a scapegoat?

What is a scapegoat exactly? A scapegoat is a person, group, or entity that is unfairly blamed, criticized, or punished for the mistakes, wrongdoings, or problems of others. When a person or organization faces difficulties or failures, their instinct may be to find something or someone to blame instead of looking at the real issues causing the problems. So what happens is that the person or thing getting accused or “scapegoated” absorbs the blame and the negative consequences while it isn't their fault. It is like a game of "pin the blame," but the person wearing the blindfold (the scapegoat) isn't even aware they're in the game of being scapegoated. They're suddenly blamed for things they didn't do because someone wants to shift the focus away from themselves. This is obviously quite destructive and unjust towards innocent people.

Why Narcissists Scapegoat

Narcissists, those on the higher end of the continuum of narcissism, are chronically envious, entitled, exploitative, arrogant, and grandiose in their thinking. They believe they are superior and more important than others. They lack empathy, and they rarely take responsibility but rather blame-shift. They lack self-awareness and tend to lie, manipulate and deceive. They do all this to maintain their image, to have the upper hand, and be in control.

To do this, narcissists need a scapegoat.

Because narcissists pathologically blame-shift and cannot take responsibility and refuse to own up to their issues, they need someone that they can put all the blame on. That is where a scapegoat comes in. What better and more long-lasting way to keep the spotlight off them than to get a scapegoat upon whom they can continuously and consistently put all their blame? The scapegoat is usually a person in their close vicinity. The narcissist believes it is the scapegoat’s job to submissively and passively accept the responsibility for all the problems in the narcissist's world and to fix the problems–which is blatantly unrealistic and unreasonable. But that is one of the traits of a narcissist: they aren’t reasonable. They have unreasonable expectations of others. If you have experienced or witnessed this kind of treatment, this blog will help you see through the manipulation and regain your power.

Blame-shifting is a major reason for narcissists to find a scapegoat, but it isn’t the only reason. Another reason narcissists need a scapegoat is for narcissistic supply. Just as narcissists are addicted to validation, affirmation, honor, significance, and importance as their drug of narcissistic supply to fuel their false persona--they also need a punching bag, which is the other side of the narcissistic supply coin. It is a more sadistic way that narcissists fuel their addiction to feeling powerful, significant, and in control.

In reality, narcissist treats the scapegoat like a punching bag by putting all the blame on them and making them suffer harsh consequences for crimes they did not commit. But the narcissist takes it one step further, setting things up to make it look like they are the victim of the scapegoat rather than vice versa. If the narcissist can successfully paint this picture and can be seen as the victim, they can increase their dose of narcissistic supply from other people, gaslight the scapegoat, and successfully evade all accountability. 

How Narcissists Choose a Scapegoat

Let’s shift gears and talk about who is likely to be the scapegoat. The selection of a scapegoat within the family dynamic can depend on various factors, including the personalities and roles of family members, the narcissist's motivations, and the overall family dynamics. Below are some individuals who might be more likely to become the scapegoat in a narcissist's family. Keep in mind that while these dynamics might be easier to see in a family, they can also exist in various forms within friend groups and in the workplace as well.

The Independent Thinker: This would be a family member who challenges the narcissist's beliefs or behaviors and who refuses to conform to their expectations. 

The Assertive Individual: This would be someone who asserts their independence, sets boundaries, and refuses to be manipulated by the narcissist's control tactics. 

The Sensitive or Empathetic Person: This is someone who is sensitive, empathetic, and caring, which could make them more prone to tolerate mistreatment. 

Black Sheep: A family member who has been viewed as the "black sheep" due to differences in values, lifestyle, or behavior might be more likely to become the scapegoat. 

Sacrificial Role: Some family members might unconsciously take on the role of scapegoat to shield other family members from the narcissist's anger or manipulation. 

Other dynamics can also affect who the narcissist chooses as a scapegoat:

Sibling Rivalry: If there is rivalry or competition between siblings, the narcissist might choose one sibling as the scapegoat to create division and maintain control over family dynamics. (It is easy to imagine how this could similarly play out in the workplace as well.)

Different Personality: A family member with a personality that clashes with the narcissist's might be targeted as the scapegoat due to the narcissist's inability to control or manipulate them effectively. 

Previous Conflicts: If there is a history of conflicts or unresolved issues between the narcissist and a particular family member, that person might be more prone to becoming the scapegoat. 

Lack of Support: A family member who lacks a strong support network or who is socially isolated might be more vulnerable to being targeted as a scapegoat. 

Projection of Insecurities: The narcissist might project their own insecurities, failures, or negative traits onto a specific family member, making them a convenient target for blame.

The scapegoat can also be an innocent person who hasn’t done anything wrong. In other cases, the narcissist might draw out and expand, or even invent, a single small mistake in the past and then use that to pin completely unrelated problems to the scapegoat. There may not always be a logical rhyme or a reason to someone observing, but there can be one, even some absurd reason, in the narcissist's head.

Collective Gaslighting

Now, let’s dive deeper into the narcissist's world of scapegoating. I mentioned above that scapegoating is more than merely a blame game: It’s also a sadistic game for narcissistic supply. As if blame-shifting and the sadistic narcissistic supply game aren’t enough, there’s all too often a more sinister dynamic at play behind the scenes: and this has to do with a pretty sick form of manipulation called collective gaslighting. 

Collective gaslighting involves manipulating the perceptions and realities of a group of people to create confusion, doubt, and a distorted sense of reality. Let me illustrate. Imagine a scenario where the narcissist consistently treats one person (the scapegoat) with disdain, criticism, humiliation, and blame while treating others (the idealized individuals) with kindness, favors, and praise. This stark contrast in treatment makes the scapegoat question their perception of reality, as they witness the narcissist being kind to others and wonder why they're treated so differently and if something is actually wrong with them. It also causes the people being treated very well to be tempted to look down on the narcissist's scapegoat and think that there must be severe flaws with the scapegoat; otherwise, they wouldn't be treated with so much contempt by the narcissist. It also tempts them to do everything they can to stay on the narcissist's good side because they don't want to share the same fate as the scapegoat. These are precisely the dynamics the narcissist is aiming for. 

They use the scapegoat as an example to the rest of the group or family unity or communicate how not to cross the narcissist lest they end up in the same doghouse as the scapegoat. This can mean that people in the same working environment, from the same community, church, or family, can have radically different experiences. This is because every person in that environment is cycling through a different part of the narcissist’s cycle of abuse: some people in the group are being idealized while others are being devalued or even discarded. This makes it more difficult for people at different stages of the abuse cycle to see through what is going on.

Let’s look more closely at how collective gaslighting works. If you’ve ever been put in the position of a scapegoat, you may recognize these, and it might give you words to articulate what you experienced. Here are seven tactics that narcissists use to collectively gaslight a scapegoat.

1. Selective Disclosure: The narcissist selectively shares information with different individuals to create division and confusion. For instance, they might tell one person negative stories about another individual, leading to resentment and distrust within the group. The person being talked about may not be aware of these conversations, causing them to feel isolated and bewildered when others start treating them differently.
2. Isolation and Ostracism: The narcissist subtly encourages certain individuals to exclude or isolate the scapegoat from group activities or conversations. The excluded individual may feel bewildered and question whether they've done something wrong, unaware that they're being purposely excluded as part of the narcissist's manipulation.
3. Inconsistent Messages: The narcissist sends conflicting messages to different individuals within the group. They might tell one person that the scapegoat is causing problems while telling the scapegoat that they are valued and trusted. This leads to confusion and a sense of unreality for both parties as they struggle to reconcile the different narratives.
4. Shifting Allegiances: The narcissist may pit individuals against each other by fostering an environment where they have to compete for favor with the narcissist. They may praise one person in the group to another, creating jealousy and resentment. This fosters a sense of uncertainty and distrust within the group.
5. Blaming the Scapegoat for Division: The narcissist blames any conflicts or tensions within the group on the scapegoat, even when the scapegoat is not directly involved. This makes the scapegoat feel responsible for the negative dynamics and perpetuates the idea that they are the cause of problems.
6. Creating False Narratives: The narcissist fabricates stories or incidents to discredit the scapegoat and gain sympathy and support from others. These false narratives further isolate the scapegoat and cause them to doubt their own memory and perception.
7. Public Shaming and Praise: The narcissist may publicly shame the scapegoat by criticizing them in front of others while simultaneously praising others for their successes. This creates a stark contrast that makes the scapegoat question their worth and abilities.

This type of intimidation and collective gaslighting is an absolute evil. It triangulates people against each other and destroys close relationships. It has the power to break apart families and split up churches and communities. It also isolates victims of narcissistic abuse from getting support and re-traumatizes them because they are not only being gaslit by the narcissist but also by the people who should be supporting them. But those very people often unknowingly only perpetuate the narcissist's abuse.

All these things cause the narcissist to feel very powerful and get a narcissistic supply simultaneously. And I'm telling you that any pastor or spiritual leader who practices these kinds of manipulations is committing a serious offense. God considers it an abomination against him.

There are six evils God truly hates and a seventh that is an abomination to him: “Putting others down while considering yourself superior, spreading lies and rumors, spilling the blood of the innocent, plotting evil in your heart toward another, gloating over doing what’s plainly wrong, spouting lies in false testimony, and stirring up strife between friends. These are entirely despicable to God!” Prov 6:16-19.

I want you to remember one vital truth: if you've ever found yourself in the crosshairs of a narcissist's blame, it's not your fault. Scapegoating isn't a reflection of your worth or your actions. It's a mechanism that the narcissist uses to cope with their own insecurities and avoid taking responsibility. Your authenticity, your perceptiveness – those qualities that make you who you are – might have inadvertently placed you in the role of a scapegoat. But let me assure you, it's not about you. It's about the issues that reside within the narcissist. So stand strong, knowing that you have immense worth, and you carry valuable gifts, personality traits, intelligence, and talents that the world needs. 

If you’ve found yourself in this kind of relationship and are finding it difficult to recover, check out my downloadable prayer to heal from gaslighting in a narcissistic relationship. 

Related Resources

Watch the video version of this blog here.

• Healing from Gaslighting in a Narcissistic Relationship [Watch] [Read]
• How God Deals with a Gaslighter [Watch] [Read]
• Five Forms of Gaslighting and How to Resist Them [Watch] 

Find more resources in our topic-based catalog

Downloadable Resources 

• Signs of Spiritual Abuse or Cultish Environments Checklist 
• 20 Signs that You Might Be Experiencing Narcissistic Abuse
• How to Pray for a Narcissist Guide
• Healing from Gaslighting